


BRAM & SIMON vs. SENIOR YEAR

by sparkleloveanna



Series: Creekwood Series [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Bi, Canon Gay Relationship, Class Trip, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay, I AM SO PUMPED TO WRITE THIS, I always read tags??, M/M, Platonic Soulmates, Senior year, Unofficial Sequel, does anyone even read these tags, i love my sons, loto, lots of friendship - Freeform, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 40,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkleloveanna/pseuds/sparkleloveanna
Summary: (This story is still being continued! College is just a lot right now!)"Look, honey, it's fine that you're here just by yourself", Mrs. Metternich chirps, adjusting one of her daughter's locks, "Simon and Bram turned up as friends as well!"Bram and I exchange looks, even Taylor stares at her mom. I mean, Bram and I are literally holding hands."We're gay", I say."But technically we're also friends", Bram speaks up."Friends who have sex.""Well, I guess", he shrugs, blushing slightly.- A story about not only Simon and Bram, but their friends and families, musicals, and the hot mess that is Senior Year.





	1. Intro

**HELLUR!**

Right, so this is not actually the first Chapter (duh), but I'm posting this...like...in a couple of minutes and it's a long one, so – **yes.**

Just wanted to make perfectly clear that (whether you got here from my previous fic _'Bram vs. the homo sapiens agenda'_ or not), you do not have to read that! But you should check it out...because I need feedback, ~~and also I'm a loser~~. 

Anywhoooo, I'm just here to let you know that although 'Leah on the Offbeat' is out by now, and I have read AND LOVED it, I'm not considering the events that happen in LOTO in this story. My story takes place before LOTO anyway and also I might have one or two unpopular opinions about it ( **but I do really love it though** ). Okay, I'm rambling. 

Also: I don't know, but if you love Simon as much as I do and you're ever bored, hmu on my twitter (because I have 0 friends who like Simon/or bookish things...funfact I'm a nerd) It's @ spidyspier


	2. Bram

The first day of Senior Year is a gloomy mid-August day. The air is humid but warm, so I let my car windows down once I get inside. I turn on the ignition and slam my fist on the honk. If only my car hadn’t such a baby of a voice it might have actually done something.

I’m waiting for Morgan. Paul and her moved in with my mom and me last month, and I swear, this girl takes a long time to get out of bed in the mornings. It’s not that she occupies the bathroom for hours, she just literally needs half an hour to open one eye.

„MORGAN“, I shout toward the open front door. I don’t think my neighbors have ever heard me shouting. Well, seems like they have to get used to that at half eight in the morning.

Morgan stumbles out of the door, her backpack is still open and she loses two of her textbooks on her way to my car. She groans and turns on her heel to collect them.

It’s weird, now that I’m basically part of a patchwork-family. I mean, as far as I know, mom and her boyfriend Paul have no intention to marry each other any time soon, but still. I’m never alone anymore; someone’s always home. Morgan has friends over every other day, and since she dyed her hair a faded pink color last week, there’s an uneraseable stain on our marble bathroom sink.

„Soz.“ She falls into the passenger seat.

„Yeah, don’t say soz“, I say as I push the gearshift into reverse.

She connects her phone with my car via the aux cable and seconds later, Shawn Mendes is blasting through the streets.

„Are we picking up Garrett?“, she asks.

I nod. „And Simon.“

„Seriously?“ Morgan looks at me sideways. „That’s such a detour, Bram.“

That’s technically true. I live about thirty minutes away from Simon and about twenty from school.

„Anyway.“ I park the car in front of Garrett’s house.

He’s already on his way toward us. Once he’s arrived, he leans his torso into the car through the opened window, bumps his fist against mine, and then presses a kiss to Morgan’s lips.

I scrunch my nose at them.

Garrett eventually gets into the backseat. He immediately makes the exact same groaning noise as Morgan when he realizes I’m taking the road to Simon’s and not to school.

„I swear to God, it’s like you’re going to die if you don’t see each other for twelve hours.“

I don’t even care. I let one hand go off the steering wheel and turn Shawn Mendes a little louder.

 

 

Simon’s already waiting outside his house, looking cute as a button. It takes all of my self control not to sigh out loud whenever I see him. Even after dating for almost half a year.

He’s wearing blue jeans and the Elliott Smith shirt and his hair is the usual perpetual mess, that I’m sure he secretly spends hours on every morning. — …that I’m sure he secretly spends hours on every morning.

After I flash the stink-eye at Morgan, she lets out the most dramatic moan ever and climbs in the backseat. Like, she actually climbs. She doesn’t just get out the car, opens the back door and takes a seat, no, she climbs all the way over the gearshift.

Simon hops in the passenger seat, smiling up at me. Ugh, that dimple is too much at half eight in the morning. How can one human being be so adorable?

I kiss him hello quickly, because I know that if I take my time with it there will be another Oscar-winning-worthy noise from Morgan.

Simon turns around in his seat to greet Garrett and Morgan, but stops mid-sentence. „Oh my god, are you seriously wearing sweatpants?“

I see Garrett shrug in the rearview mirror. „There’s been no school for two months, I need to slowly adjust to wearing jeans again.“

„Wow.“

„Also“, Morgan adds, „He’s really enjoyed my attempts at baking a lot. Licking the spoons and all that. Look at his new little tummy!“

She and Simon giggle, and I swear, it’s the sweetest noise from him.

„Hey“ He looks at me. „Guess what I watched last night?“

„You told me“, I say, „How to get away with murder.“

„Right. After that.“

„You said you’d go to bed after that episode.“

„As if I would actually go to bed at 11pm.“ He rolls his eyes. „You know me better than that!“

„True.“

Simon always stays up until at least 2am, but still manages to not have ridiculously dark circles under his eyes. Or maybe he has and I just love them too much as well.

„So what did you watch?“

„A livestream. Of a cat giving birth.“

„Ew“, Garrett makes in the back.

„No! Like, it was the cutest thing ever!“, Simon argues, „Imagine a fat, fluffy cat wiggling around and then eventually six tiny fluffballs falling out of her.“

„I don’t know if that’s the grossest or cutest thing ever, Simon“, Morgan laughs.

„The latter“, he says, crossing his arms in front of his chest, „Definitely the latter.“

 

***

 

I don’t really know what I’d expected the beginning of Senior Year to be like. Maybe I thought I’d feel like an adult by now. Except I don’t. With the tips of my fingers barely laced with Simon’s on the school’s parking lot — that’s about how hot it gets for us in public in Georgia — I feel more like a teenager than ever before.

Nick is already leaning against his car. It’s a used Audi he saved up for all summer, playing small guitar gigs here and there.

We all greet him, shaking hands, bumping fists, all that, and we’re barely finished, when Leah’s old rusty car pulls up in a free spot next to Nick’s. I haven’t seen her all too much this summer, Simon told me she’d gotten a job and was pretty busy.

I’m almost as surprised as Nick when Abby gets out of the passenger’s side of Leah’s car. They never come to school together. I don’t even know if they live close to each other. They’re more Simon’s friends than mine, I guess — although, I really do like Leah a lot. She’s super cool and badass. Basically everything I’m not.

„Hey you“, Nick says and pecks Abby’s lips, „I could have picked you up as well, you know?“

„As if that wouldn’t have been the biggest detour for you ever“, Abby says, a faint smile on her face, „Actually, I slept over at Leah’s.“

Leah shrugs when Nick flashes her a look. Simon seems a little confused about that as well and he presses his fingertips harder against mine for a second.

Morgan is a Junior, so she leaves our clique as soon as we enter the school building to meet up with her own friends. Garrett stays with us, though. And Simon lets go of my hand — because this is a High School in Georgia.

I sigh. We still have plenty of time left before first period starts.

„Hey, you wanna go and catch up on homework?“, Simon asks in a lower voice that everyone hears anyway.

„Dude, it’s literally the first day after summer break, there’s no homew— _Oh_.“ Garrett presses his lips together when I nudge my right foot against his shin.

I follow Simon along the hallway, ignoring Garrett whistling after us.

 

The entire corridor our English teacher’s classroom is located in is empty. It’s one where there are no lockers, so naturally no one comes here except they’re super-nerds or super in love like Simon and me.

The classroom door is still locked since we still have ten minutes until the first bell rings, so Simon and I settle down on the floor leaning against the wall together.

We’re silent for a little while, just the voices of other students echoing through the empty corridor. It’s never uncomfortable sitting in silence with Simon. It’s not like we don’t have anything to talk about, sometimes we just don’t need to talk to understand each other.

„So that cat livestream“, I speak up finally.

He laces our fingers together, fully this time. „I swear to God, it was so cute. The dad cat always came to check up on his wife. Like, they were actually married. That was another livestream I watched this summer.“

I let out a laugh. _This boy._

„Your swear a lot to a God you don’t believe in, though“, I say.

„Does it bother you?“

„No. It’s cute. I mean, everything you do is cute.“

Now he laughs, and bumps his head against my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my upper arm. „I wish I could always do that.“

„I am your boyfriend. You _should_ always do that.“

„You know what I mean.“

I do know what he means indeed. I’d love to kiss him whenever I want too, not just when we’re behind closed doors or in an empty corridor.

 

Mr. Wise strides along the corridor with the first bell ringing, a few of his course students following him. I know every single one of them only makes an effort to come on time to his classes to get the chance to sit on the couch in the back.

He fumbles with the keys for a bit, it’s a giant mess of what seem like fifty different keys on one chain, but then he finds the right one to open his classroom.

Simon and I have gotten up in the meantime, standing next to Leah, Abby and Nick, not holding hands anymore.

Mr. Wise pushes the door open and takes a couple of steps in, before stopping abruptly. I almost crash into Cal Price’s back. Everyone’s sort of gaping ahead. Simon’s mouth actually hangs open a little bit.

I lean my head to the left to glance around Cal’s sort of lanky body. And then I see it: Someone must’ve broken into the classroom over summer break. All of the tables, desks and chairs are wedged and jammed into each other. It’s a giant mess and I can’t tell where the first chair begins and the last desk ends. The whiteboard is covered in colorful and detailed marker-drawings of penises. And to top it all off, Mr. Wise’s couch is sprayed neon pink.

No one dares to say anything, let alone laugh. I don’t think anyone’s even breathing.

Mr. Wise shifts his weight from one foot to the other, tilts his head to the side a little to inspect the penises on the whiteboard a little more, then he turns on his heel, facing us. He lifts both of his arms a little gesturing us out of the room.

„It’s my first day of waking up before 10am for two months, I don’t have the nerves for this yet. Let’s just pretend we haven’t seen this. English period in the auditorium, everyone go!“

 

***

 

„Alright“ Mr. Wise sits down cross-legged on the hardwood floor of the stage. „So unfortunately, we don’t have a whiteboard here but I’d Kindly ask you to imagine the — as the kids say — dopest special effects popping up behind my head as I announce the overall theme we’ll be studying during your Senior Year.“

Simon lets out a pressed laugh, almost a snort, when the grey-haired teacher uses the word dope in its superlative.

My hand lays on the floor behind his back and I lightly touch the hem of his shirt. It’s so hard not to hold his hand and touch him when that’s all we’ve been doing during summer.

He shoots me a quick, shy smile.

„We will dedicate your last year of High School entirely to Sir William Shakespeare.“

Some of us, mostly the boys for some reason, let out exaggerated groans, others simply look as if they couldn’t care less. Simon next to me is one of the only ones who look genuinely excited. I swear, sometimes he’s just the living definition of a white boy. But a cute one.

 _My_ cute one.

„I didn’t expect this to knock you out of your shoes“, Mr. Wise admits and the small gap between his front teeth is showing when he grins, „but I’ve got an even better announcement.“

„Is he really trying to get us hyped for the most stressful year of our lives?“, Garrett mumbles, his face completely lacking any sort of emotion toward Shakespeare.

I don’t actually think that Senior Year will be the most stressful year of our lives. College is probably one hell of a lot more nerve-wrecking. But I don’t feel like destroying Garrett’s happy little world just yet.

„So what is it?“, Simon asks, hugging his knees in front of his chest. He’s like a little kid when it comes to surprisings, big, round eyes, flushed cheeks and an excited grin.

„Ladies and gentleboys“ Mr. Wise makes a dramatic business out of clearing his throat. „I’m happy to tell you that we will be doing an excursion to the one and only city of London this year. We’ll be visiting the Globe Theatre and watch some of Shakespeare’s plays just right there.“

As soon as the words are out, all of us start whispering to each other, not paying anymore attention to the teacher.

Simon turns toward me, eyes wide as saucers. „A class trip to London!“

„I have ears“, I laugh lowly, so Mr. Wise doesn’t give me shit about interrupting his moment — or whatever that was.

Simon leans into me just a little, but I see Abby’s smile stretching out across her face a little more when she notices. That girl sees everything, I swear.

„I do have an email going out to all of your parents just after school. Attached to that email is an exact plan of all the costs you have to cover yourself as well as all the ones the school is coming up for, which is…well“ He pauses for a minute. „The very least they could do. Unfortunately, Creekwood High focuses its financial resources more on outward-games of the football team these days.“

„How much is it then?“, Jenna Dubois asks, biting consciously down on her lip afterwards.

„You’ll find the exact price in the email. To be completely honest, I don’t remember it to the penny, but each of you will have to pay around five hundred dollars.“

Silence falls over all of us.

„But please keep in mind that the five hundred dollars — give or take fifty — cover two weeks in London, in a hotel, for you, including our visits to the Globe and a few other sites as well.“

Murmur rises up among us again.

„That’s not too bad“, Charlie, Jenna’s boyfriend, says. They both sit so close with their hands basically all over each other by any given opportunity that it makes me slightly nauseated. Not because of PDA or whatever, I really couldn’t care less as long as they’re not dry-humping each other right before my eyes. It’s just that, especially in moments like this, where it’s perfectly normal for Charlie and Jenna to sit close to each other and hold hands (both of them, like they’re in kindergarten), but if Simon and I would do that hell’d break loose.

„Is the flight also covered with that?“, some random girl asks.

„Yes“, Mr. Wise says.

„Awesome!“ Garrett grins widely. „When’s it supposed to go down then?“

I hear a door being slammed shut. Simon’s shifting uncomfortably next to me, sort of spiraling his whole body. I have no idea who left, but it seems to be Simon’s first instinct to go after him or her.

I let my eyes wander over all the familiar faces of my course. I soon realize that Leah is missing. She’d been sitting next to Nick, who is sitting next to Abby, who is staring at the door Leah left through, hands balled to fists.

Simon really resembles a panicked worm by now, winding his body between the traces of his best friend and Mr. Wise. Our teacher, however, doesn’t seem to have noticed that one of his students just left.

I dig my fingers unobtrusively into the skin just above the waistband of his jeans, letting him know that I know what’s going on. Or I don’t know exactly, because I have no idea why Leah could’ve stormed off — unless she cherishes some serious hatred against the UK.

No one pays attention to Simon and me, so I pull him closer just a little. He seems to understand what’s up with Leah way more than Abby or I do, and I guess he’s also the only one Leah’d want to see right now. I don’t know much about her still, but I got that she can be stubborn at times.

The rest of the course seems to have agreed that five hundred bucks is an acceptable price for two weeks on another continent, no one is questioning it any further. Admittedly, I have to say that five hundred dollars for a school trip is definitely not something that will drive my family into the ruin. My father probably pays more child support to my mom every month. But I also know that I only think like this because I, like most students of Creekwood High, grew up in a household that never had to worry about struggling financially. Obviously, I know that five hundred dollars is a lot of money. Twenty dollars is a lot of money, too, given the right circumstance.

Thinking about money has always hurt my head — probably because I never had to do it too much.

Meanwhile, Mr. Wise answers Garrett’s question: „As of now, Christmas Holidays will be over on the sixth of January next year, and the plan is to book a flight right then. So add fourteen days to the sixth of January.“

Jenna does the math. „So from the sixth to the twentieth.“

I would applaud her for that ingenious mathematical performance, if there wasn’t a tingly feeling undergoing my, what I consider usual, nausea. (Since dating Simon I feel nauseated a lot, but not in a bad way most times. It’s a new experience, this good nauseated feeling, but it’s also hard to explain. Some other may call it _butterflies in your stomach_.)

Simon’s head snaps toward me, and he seems to have forgotten about Leah for just a moment. Sometimes it’s like we share a brain, really.

I grin at him and he returns it, flashing me his cute dimple. „I guess I’ll be celebrating my birthday in London then.“

„Your _golden_ birthday!“, he whisper-squeaks. But that must’ve reminded him of Leah, because the fraction of a second later, he’s staring at the door again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I like Mr. Wise. 
> 
> also, question: I'll alternate between Bram's and Simon's POVs, so should I write who's POV it is above the Chapter or is it enough if I title the Chapter the names (like I did now?)? :-)


	3. Simon

I find Leah in the hallway that connects the backstage area of the auditorium with the school’s music-room, commonly known as _make-out-alley._ I’m a little surprised when I see Garrett kneeling beside her on the ground. He must’ve sneaked out before the bell officially dismissed the lesson.

He lets out an audible breath of air, as if he’s annoyed, and gets back up on his feet, strutting toward me. „Forget it, man“, he says, walking past me, „She wants to be alone.“

But I’m pretty sure Leah differentiates between Garrett leaving her alone and me doing so. So I wait until Garrett’s back in the auditorium, the door closed behind him, leaving Leah and me safely in the _make-out-alley_.

Just for the name’s sake: This corridor is _indeed_ a good place to make put, if I may say so myself.

I lean my back against the wall next to her, scooting down against it until I sit on the floor as well. 

Leah has her legs triangled in front of her and stares at her knees that are poking out through the rips of her black jeans. Wearing all black on the first day of Senior Year is a typical Leah-thing. She has half her hair up in a knot. I’ve seen many girls wearing this hairstyle lately, and while I don’t entirely get it, I do think it suits her a lot.

„What’s up?“ My voice halls through the empty corridor. There are no windows and the doors are both shut so there’s no escaping for the sound.

Leah doesn’t say a word but keeps hypeotisizing her knees. But I wouldn’t be her best friend if I didn’t already know what was going on with her. I just have the common sense to giver her the chance to tell her myself.

„Maybe your mom can reach out to your dad and he can give some money—“

„Hell. No.“ Her eyes finally snap toward me.

Here’s the thing: Leah’s dad is an asshole. Like, the biggest, most worn-out, grossest asshole on this planet — no exaggeration. He left her and his mom for an affair which is, in my opinion, one of the cruelest things you can do to both, your wife _and_ daughter.

„Being poor fucking sucks.“ There’s a tiny crack in her voice and she looks away quickly so I don’t see her eyes tearing up.

I want to give her comfort, being my touchy self, I want to wrap an arm around her shoulder, but she can be weird about hugs sometimes so I don’t. I don’t even know what to say. With my mom being a kid’s psychologist and my dad a lawyer, I have no idea what being poor is like.

„I can ask my parents if they would—“

„Shut up.“

„I want you to come to London, too!“ It’s true. Two weeks in London? Great. Two weeks in London with my boyfriend? Even better. But two weeks in London without my moody best friend? The absolute fucking worst.

I guess I’m being a little selfish. Of course it would suck for me, too, if Leah stayed behind, because that would mean I couldn’t talk to her about what went down in London later, she’ll just get pissed. But it must be so much worse for her. She’s probably the only one in our course that couldn’t come with us.

„I’m sure my parents would help. They love you to pieces“, I say. (It’s true. Nora used to make jokes about my parents adopting Leah because she used to spent every weekend entirely at my place. — Except my parents thought it was because we were secretly dating which…well, no.)

She slams her side into mine and although she’s a lot bigger than me — or I’m a lot smaller than her, whatever — it’s just a weak nudge against my body. „Stop. You offering that is real fucking embarrassing for me.“

„Well, it shouldn’t be! You know it wouldn’t hurt my parents.“ Okay, I should not have said that. „I mean…okay, that was stupid, delete that—“

She lets out an unexpected laugh. It’s a dryer one than usual, and her eyes are still blurred with tears, but it’s at least a snicker. „You can’t delete conversations like texts, Simon.“

I guess I spend too much time on the internet — what’s new?

„I don’t want your family to pay for my shit.“ Leah’s face goes back to serious business. „I want to be able to pay for everything on my own. And I just spent all the money I made at my job this summer on a digital drawing pad!“

I know she’s been saving up for this digital drawing kit forever, because it’s hella expensive, with the right program and the special pen and whatnot. I’m not into art stuff — at least not into creating it my own. I’m just the theater kind of guy that will be left with no hobbies once High School is over. But Leah has some serious future if she keeps up with the drawing.

„I’m sure we’ll find a solution“, I say, although I have no idea how, „Maybe you can take commissions with your art or something?“

„Yeah, no, not gonna happen.“

Seriously, she can be so stubborn about this. She only ever lets me see the drawing in her sketch books, but if the one she’s actually finished just half as good as them then there sure is a market for them.

I’m about to retort to her when the music’s room’s door swings open. It’s Abby, Nick and Bram, carrying a tray of iced coffees with them.

They settle in front of Leah and me, and no one asks any questions. I’m sure neither of them has an idea of what’s up with Leah, but they all must’ve noticed her teary eyes.

I finally give into the urge and wrap an arm around the shoulders of my best friend. And to my surprise she sinks into my side, leaning her head against my chest, sighing out loud.

 

***

 

„You know you’re being the most impolite human bean in the world right now, don’t you?“

„You just said bean.“

„I know.“ Bram nudges his foot against my shin underneath the table at WaHo. „Six months into our relationship and you’re abandoning me for your phone big time.“

„Five months and two weeks, love“, I say, my eyes still glued to the screen.

„And you calling me love doesn’t make it up for.“

„Yes, it does.“

„Okay. Maybe.“ Bram takes a long sip from his vanilla milk shake. „But I ditched a Star Warsathon with Garrett so we can have dinner at WaHo, so pay attention to me!“

„Alright.“ I lock my phone and look up at him grinning goofily. „First, you and Garrett have a Star Warsathon every freaking Friday. And second, I can’t believe we’ve migrated the word Star Warsathon in our mental dictionary.“

„Your nerding rubs off on me.“

„Uh-uh, dude, you got that yourself.“ I stretch my arm out and steal his milk shake from him.

„Don’t _dude_ me.“

„Fine.“

„What were you looking at anyway?“, he asks, nodding toward my phone.

„Ugh“, I make, „It’s about Leah.“

„Did she talk to you? Garrett was really pissed because she rejected him or whatever.“

„She did. She can’t come to London with us“, I say, and then explain the whole thing to him in a few short sentences. „But you can’t tell anyone about this. Kids are horrible and I don’t want anyone to start bullying Leah because she has less money.“

„Of course not.“ Bram’s face has gone serious, his mouth a straight line, lips pressed together — it’s his thinking face. He normally puts it on when he sits in front an empty word document on his computer while I lay on his bed and pretend not to stare at him.

„She _has_ to come with us. There’s no way it’s gonna be fun without her.“ I take such a long sip of the cold milk shake that I eventually hit air and start slurping.

„Oh my god, did you really just finish _my second_ milk shake?“

„At least WaHo is not going bankrupt any time soon.“

„ _Simon_.“

„ _Bram_.“

He sighs, driving one hand through his hair. It’s a bit longer than usual and I really dig it. „Maybe we can talk everyone in our course into giving ten bucks. Twenty people in our course…two hundred dollars is almost half of what she needs.“

„Almost half of it is still too much.“ I bite down on the straw, thinking hard. I have tons of ideas running through my head, everything from hosting a garage flea-market to selling my entire collection of Stephen King’s novels in the rainbow Hodder editions, but I don’t know if that would actually be enough. Maybe I have to do all of it.

„Stop making that face. You look like a sad puppy.“ Bram tilts his head to the side. „We’ll find a way to get Leah on board, okay? But there’s no hurry. It’s only August.“

I exhale into the straw and make the small rest of the milk shake bubble up. „Right.“

„And now you better go and order me a new milk shake, _love_.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love my two sons they are so in love


	4. Simon

Not even a full week of school has passed and school’s already kicking my butt. The dinner date at WaHo was the last time I hang out with Bram outside of school, and it’s just crazy how much you can miss a person that is in the same room as you at least 80% of the time.

It’s Thursday and I’m sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor of the stage next to Abby, who’s busy stuffing her face with soft-baked chocolate cookies. It’s the first time we’re having proper Drama practice today, because Ms. Albright wanted to „ease us in at the start of school“. 

Nora joined the Drama Club this year, but she’s hanging around her group of friends instead of talking to her brother — which is normal, I guess.

„Alright, folks, gather up.“ Ms. Albright walks on stage, her electric red hair hanging past her shoulders, eyes glued to a stack of papers in her hands.

All of the other students in the auditorium come up the stage and soon we’re sitting in a circle on the floor around our teacher. Nora sits right opposite of me, next to one of her friends who doesn’t seem to have recovered from the emo-day of spirit week last year. They’re leaning in to each other, talking quietly.

Ms. Albright quickly counts the teenagers sitting around her, nodding, and then sitting down next to Cal. „Fine“, she says, „Welcome to a new year filled with drama.“

We laugh simultaneously.

„I’m happy to see so many new faces here.“ She smiles toward Nora’s clique, „And since that is the case, I want to make sure y’all know each others names. So we’re gonna play a few games first to break the ice.“

 

Yeah, that goes great. We’re each asked to team up with one of the new students to play the trust-game, where you let yourself fall into the others arms backwards. Because I would _never_ let myself fall blindly into someone I don’t know I decide to team up with Nora. Long story short, she lets me fall on my ass because her phone buzzes inside her jeans’s pocket. 

Half an hour and several games, for which I avoided my sister, later we’re back in the circle on the floor and Ms. Albright reads us a list of play-suggestions.

„I was planning for the first play to premiere at the beginning of February. That will be our main focus. Then I thought it would be a nice idea to plan a smaller one for the time after finals to kill the down-time until our Seniors graduate. Nothing big, just a small thing.“

Abby nods as if she was asked directly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

„I don’t know if you’ve realized but most of you are Seniors.“ She looks around. „And so many of you have stuck around since freshman year. It will be sad to say goodbye to y’all.“ She winks at me nondescriptively.

„What play do you have in mind for the big one?“, Jenna asks.

„I was thinking about a classic. But a fun one. _Grease_ or _Mamma Mia_ maybe.“

I scrunch my nose, and I see Cal do the same. We exchange a look and he grins at me. He has developed a few freckles on his nose over the summer, and he wears his bangs pushed back, which _okay_.

„Okay, why’s no one excited for this?“ Ms. Albright spins around in a circle to watch our every faces.

„I mean“, Taylor swings her golden locks over her shoulder and actually stands up to speak, „This has been done so often, Ms. Albright. And while I’m sure I’d be a great Sandy, I have no idea who of the boys here could possibly portrait the one and only Danny Zuko.“

„Yup“, Abby agrees unexpectedly, „And…can we, like, do something that is not all white and hetero.“ A blush is slowly creeping on the apples of her cheeks when I look at her. „I’m not talking about hosting a full freaking Pride event, just being a little more inclusive.“

Ms. Albright slowly moves her chin up and down, as if she’s processing her student’s demands, thinking about them. „Well“, she then speaks up, „I see where you’re coming from. I’m sorry I haven’t been paying attention to the inclusivity myself.“

I swear to god, Ms. Albright is an angel. As far as I know she’s not queer, and she’s definitely white, but she’s just such an ally.

„I will think about something until our next meeting, which will be on Monday, because of the bonfire tomorrow night, I’m sure y’all remember that. And I’d also ask you to think about it yourself and make suggestions! It’s a long way to February, we can afford to spend more time discussing possibilities.“

 

***

 

„I swear, I completely forgot about the bonfire“, I tell Abby when I walk her to the bus stop in front of the school. She has to wait another twenty minutes for the late bus and I feel sorry for her.

„But you’re coming, right?“

„Of course.“

„We should probably hit the others up in our group chat and decide who’s going to drive.“ She looks at her phone. „Oh, my phone just died. Great. That’s going to be a long ride home.“

„I can drive you.“

„It’s fine. I think I’m going to actually open my copy of The Taming Of The Shrew for once, so Mr. Wise won’t have a reason to pick on me.“

There’s a honk cutting through the warm August air and I almost clash my head against Leah’s when turning around.

„Woah, Simon, chill“, she says, „You’re chauffeur has arrived and she looks annoyed.“

Nora’s driven up in my car to pick me up from the bus stop and waves at me from inside.

„Are you taking the bus?“, Abby asks, turning toward Leah.

Leah nods.

Nora slams her fist on the honk once again, and now people are staring.

„Okay, I gotta go“, I sigh, „See you.“

 

> Groupchat: **Lunch Cr3w** at 5:44PM
> 
> Simon: So the bonfire thing
> 
> Nick: YES
> 
> Garrett: YES
> 
> Abby: finally home! *praying emoji* and also YES
> 
> Garrett: What about you, Lizzy?
> 
> Leah: I don’t know, Gandalf, should I come?

 

That’s a thing Leah and Garrett started doing at some point before summer break, calling each other random names with the same first letter as their actual names. But I had no idea it’d stuck around until now.

 

> Garrett: Um, yes?? I’ve never seen you drunk, that’s gonna be fun
> 
> Leah: *rolling eyes emojii*

 

Leah only ever uses the rolling eyes emoji. She’s one of those persons who still type their emojis out (:P, :D, etc.), but there’s just no letter to represent the annoyance of the actual rolling eyes emoji.

 

> Simon: Speaking of which, who’s driving?
> 
> Nick: ugh
> 
> Bram: I can
> 
> Nick: *thumbs up emoji*
> 
> Garrett: You’re the best!! *red heart emoji*
> 
> Abby: Oh my god get a room *laugh-crying emoji*
> 
> Bram: *blue heart emoji*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, hi if you haven't abandoned this pic because of the lack of updates
> 
> My family is going through a tough time atm and I have a lot on my plate with my mental health *insert rolling eyes emoji* and really, all I wanna do is write but ya know, time is kinda slipping through my fingers. I don't want to complain about my life right now (I do that enough irl haHA), I just wanted to let you know that REALLY LOVE WRITING THIS AND I HAVE IT ALL PLOTTED OUT I just need to have time to write it all down. I have no idea when I will have a new chapter ready, but please PLEASE stick around because I promise you, this is going to be cute. And I WILL try to update at least every other day.  
> I love y'all and thanks if you're still here <3


	5. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hi, first of all: YOU'RE ALL SOSOSO cute and my heart melted reading all your comments!! I love y'all so much. Things are already getting better for my family (basically, my grandpa had to go to the hospital and things were looking bad but he's such a badass fighter, lemme tell you, and he's doing well again! im proud)
> 
> aLSO I hope you like this chapter! I called in sick at work today because I'm feeling the worst (@uterus) but that means I can write all day ^.^<3

School goes by in an exciting blur on Friday. The pile of wood and branches what will become the bonfire tonight is already set up in the middle of the football field behind the school. The football jocks are not pleased by that but who even cares about them, honestly. Since it’s — _officially speaking_ — a school event, a few teachers will be there. But I don’t know if I actually see Ms. Albright as a teacher.

Nick comes over to my house around seven. We’re not supposed to arrive at school until eight, and because we’re Seniors and definitely not nerds, we’re planning to get there around nine. I swear, I’m feeling cooler the closer graduation gets.

„Did somebody order Pizza?!“ Nick struts into the living room, where Nora and I lay on opposite ends of our couch, judging the running TV advertisements into the categories of racist, sexist, and unrealistic. Needless to say, it’s a game Alice invented.

„I’m not sure if it was a good idea to give you a key to my house.“

„Dude, you’re never locking the door anyway. You should be relieved I’m not an axe murderer.“ Nick comes to a stop behind the sofa, balancing three red and white boxes in his arms.

„Oh my god, did you get the vegetarian volcano?“ Nora gets up and jumps over the backrest of the couch.

„Of course I did.“ Nick frees one of his hands from under the pizza cartons and ruffles her curls like she’s still the five-year-old he used to make fun of in elementary school.

Nora opens each of the cartons to peak inside and then fetches hers as soon as she finds it. „I’m eating in my room. Don’t forget to turn off the TV, Si, or mom’s gonna throw a tantrum as soon as she comes home, and nobody wants that.“

I press the red button on the remote and roll off the sofa. Bieber sits in front of Nick, staring at the two cartons left in his hands.

„You’re not getting anything.“ I pat his head as I walk by. „C’mon, Nick, we’re eating upstairs.“

 

We’re laying on our backs in my bed, legs dangling off the edge, heads propped up on several pillows. Each of us is on their last piece of Pizza, and an episode of Brooklyn99 is playing in the background on my laptop. (Don’t tell Bram, but he got me really into some scripted TV. But as long as he doesn’t give in to watching The Bachelor or The Voice, I’m not admitting I like it.)

„So, I thought you’d bring Amy, too“, I say.

Nick’s eyes follow Amy on the screen. „She’s doing some project over at Leah’s“, he shrugs.

„Project?“

„I don’t even know.“ He lets the crust of his last piece fall back into the carton. You can say that Nick is a great soccer player and all that, but he’s a weak baby when it comes to pizza crust. Also, he likes pineapple on pizza, which is just unacceptable.

„I kinda thought Leah didn’t like Abby. You know, she’s always so pissed when she’s around and stuff…“ I trail off, because I know that’s because Leah has had a crush on Nick for the past year or so. But if she’s over it now and can finally be okay with Abby being around, then good for her, I guess.

Nick shrugs again. „Abby and I… I don’t know.“

„What?“ I’m suddenly alarmed. I don’t want this to sound dramatic but I’ve feared that this moment would come up ever since Nick and Abby first started dating. That things would end between the two of them and I’d be torn between my best friends.

„Chill.“ He lets out a pressed laugh when he sees my scared expression. „We’re just not hanging out as much at the moment.“

I finish my last piece of pizza, _including_ the crust. „I don’t want you two to break up. With whom am I going to spend my weekends?“

„Bro, you’re at Bram’s most times anyway. And we’re not your parents who’re getting a divorce or something.“ He nudges my shoulder with his. „It’s all still unicorns and rainbows.“

„Good.“

„What about you and Bram, though?“, he asks, taking his gaze away from the laptop for the first time.

„What do you mean?“

„Nothing. I’m just playing the nosy Spier, trying to peak into everyone’s business“, he jokes.

„Ha ha“, I say.

„Come on. Talking to Bram about this is like talking to a fucking brick wall.“

„Why are you talking about this? And when?“, I ask.

„Soccer practice“, he says, „And that’s what you do, right? Talk about your relationship with your friends. I could spill a lot of tea about Garrett and Morgan.“

„I’m not sure if I wanna hear about that.“

„You don’t.“ He makes a face. „But anyway. Come on.“

„Everything’s fine between Bram and me.“

„Yeah, well, even a blind man can see that“, he says, „Gimme some details, Spier, I’m your best friend.“

„First of all, don’t you Spier me when you used to call me Pieman in kindergarten. Second of all, there’s not much to talk about, really.“ I start fumbling around with the carton on my lap.

I mean, sure, some things have happened between me and Bram. Some things more intense than just kissing and hands wandering off trail. But one, I don’t feel like I can talk about it without getting all hot and bothered, and two, those things are still kind of awkward between Bram and me. Because _everything_ is a first time. Cuddling in bed together? First time. Being almost completely naked in front of each other? First time.

_Okay, I can not think about Bram almost naked right now._

I know Nick’s had sex. I know he’s had sex with Abby and I know he’s had sex before. That’s what happens when you drink more than one beer at a party and have awesome guitar-skills. 

„Oh geez, it’s almost half nine.“ Nick slams my laptop shut. „Do you still keep that hair wax around I forgot the last time I slept over?“

„In the bathroom. But I don’t know, Nick. Can hair wax expire?“

 

***

 

I get in the passenger seat of Bram’s Honda a little bit past half nine, and kiss my boyfriend on the lips. Garrett’s moved into the back with Morgan on his lap for no reason, and Nick gets in next to him.

„Okay, are you sure the cops won’t pull us over once we’ve collected Abby and Leah? The car’ll be more than stuffed then“, I point out.

„Leah’s not coming“, Bram says after he looks up from his phone to choose a new song from his playlist, „She just texted me.“

„What?“ I get my phone out of my pocket and send a quick text to Leah. But she has her read receipts turned off, so I can’t tell if she’s ignoring me or not.

Bram pulls back onto the street and takes the right at the first light toward Abby’s house.

„Did they have a fight? Did Leah say anything else?“

He hands me his phone which is connected to the car by the aux cable, eyes fixed on the street ahead. „You can look. She literally just texted me _‚pick Abby up from her home, I’m not coming tonight‘_.“

I let out a groan when I open said message on Bram’s phone. I’m kind of surprised to see that this is the first time they both chatted. I mean, she texted him and he didn’t reply, because he’s obviously driving, but it counts.

I kind of thought Bram is getting along with my friends, and I guess he is, but only at school. I’m not going through his phone, although I know he’d let me do it, but I’m sure he doesn’t really talk to Nick either other than at soccer practice.

I tap along to the beat of the song with my foot.

„Applesauce“, Bram grins and lightly boxes my arm, his eyes not leaving the street.

„Ouch! Okay, sorry.“ I rub my arm.

„What was that?“, Nick asks from the back.

Bram turns the volume of the song a little down. „Simon always starts humming along to songs. Sometimes he does it even without any music playing. And we sort of invented this game.“

„You call it a game that you get to box me every time I start to hum?“, I ask, „I call it violence.“

„It’s just annoying when you hum something random like _Jingle Bells_ when we’re at the park in the middle of _July_ and I have it stuck in my head for _a month_ after that!“

Morgan giggles.

 

***

 

Abby gets into the car ten minutes later and I feel like a weird stalker the way I pay really close attention to her and Nick for the whole drive to school. But they’re sitting closely next to each other, talking, and Abby even grabs his hand. I guess things are indeed still all unicorns and rainbows.


	6. Bram

The football field is crowded with all students, from freshmen to seniors. The bonfire lights up the entire surrounding environment, and I immediately spot our chemistry teacher, Mrs. Stein, sort of hovering over a long table that carries loads of different kinds of drinks and colorful fruit-punches. 

Simon takes my hand from behind and catches up really close to me. I don’t know how this boy manages to smell like sweet cinnamon all year around, but I love it.

I’d normally be more careful, holding the hand of my boyfriend in public, but I’m pretty sure all the homophobic jocks are at home, pissed at the abuse of their beloved field. Not that there aren’t other homophobes at our school — I’m pretty sure Mrs. Stein herself is throwing looks at me whenever she sees Simon and me together — but they’re not likely to walk up to us and do anything.

Music is blasting from a huge audio system which is conscientiously guarded by Cal Price. I notice his different hairstyle right away, the pushed back bangs, because it makes him look about five years older — but in a good way. He raises his hand and waves frantically in our direction.

Simon’s palm presses against mine, and I know he’s about to go toward Cal, but then suddenly a girl with blonde curls rushes past us, embracing Cal in a full body hug.

„Wait, is that my sister?“ Simon stops ever so sudden that I’m pulled back by his hand.

We watch Nora and Cal chat for a couple of minutes, and I don’t even know how they can understand each other, standing so close to the deafeningly source of the music. Cal drives his hand about fifty times through his hair while he’s talking, and I can tell for a fact that he’s perpetually trying to mess it up.

„Fuck, is he _flirting_ with her?“ Simon shifts from one foot to the other.

„Maybe. Or he has lice“, I say.

„I should probably stop that“, he says, attempting to let go off my hand, and storm toward his sister.

I grab his hand tighter and even stick out my other arm before his chest, so instead he’s bumping directly into my arms — which is nice. I kiss him on the cheek, very near to his ear.  
„Let her have a bit of fun. Nothing’s going to happen. I thought we’d dedicate tonight entirely to ourselves, since we haven’t had time for each other all week.“

I can tell Simon’s startled, his gazed still fixed on Nora and Cal, but his body is slightly leaning more into mine, his mind drifting to unknown places for everyone but us.

I press another kiss on his cheek, but this time nearer to his mouth.

 

***

 

„Did you see your sister talking to Cal?“, Abby asks as soon as we reunite with our group at the bonfire. Nick, Garrett, Morgan and her are each already holding red cups filled with a purple punch.

„Yeah, we’re not talking about that.“ Simon takes the cup from Abby’s hand, downing it in one sip. He immediately starts to cough and bends over forwards. „I thought… _ohmygod_ … Why the fuck is there alcohol in there?!“

„Uhm, hello, we’re having fun?“ Garrett says, suggestively wagging a shimmering silver flask.

Simon makes a gagging noise that would turn everyone off of him, except it makes me laugh out loud.

„I need some water“, he says.

„Whatever you say, kiddo.“ Garrett takes a sip from his own drink, not batting an eye.

 

***

 

Everyone’s slowly getting tipsier as the hour gets later. Simon had approximately two cups of punch with a tiny splurge of whatever is in Garrett’s flask and he’s already hazily grinning and leaning heavily into my side. Not that I’m complaining.

„Does anyone know why Leah ditched us?“ Abby empties her cup without flinching at the alcoholic aftertaste.

Garrett shrugs. He has an arm wrapped around Morgan’s shoulders, but I can tell by his face that he thinks about Leah more than he’s willing to admit. „Maybe it’s that time of the month.“

Abby snaps her head toward him, flashing him a full on death-glare that makes him raise his unoccupied arm in defense.

„She’s probably still sad about the London thing“, Simon says.

Everyone’s gaze is on him now.

„Wait“, Garrett says, „Did she tell you what was up with her the other day?“

„She didn’t need to tell me.“ Simon lets out a snort and pretzels his arms in front of his chest. He probably means it to make him look broader next to Garrett, or whatever, but he really just looks like a tiny rabbit ready to fight.

„What’s the matter with her then?“, Abby asks.

Nick shifts uncomfortably next to her, exchanging looks with Simon. But he’s approximately two drinks ahead of us, so it’s not like he’s going to stop Simon from blurting it all out.

„She can’t afford to go“, he says.

„Are her parents making _her_ pay for it?“

„No. But her family is—“

„Simon“, I murmur next to him. Leah wouldn’t be happy with him talking about this.

„Like, they’re poor. Like, they-have-no-cable-TV poor.“

Nick and I sigh at the same time.

Abby furrows her eyebrows. She’s probably the only one among us, except for me, the driver, obviously, who can still think clear. „Are you serious? That sucks.“

„Yeah.“ Simon lets his arms fall back next to his body and leans back into my side. It really takes all of my self-control to stay focused on the conversation happening before me, and not let my mind wander to thoughts about him, and how close he his, and how much I just want to leave with him right now. I mean, I haven’t spent proper time with him all week, so I have every right to feel this way.

Abby tips her fingers against her empty cup. „What if we give, like, twenty bucks each. Maybe that’ll help.“

Simon shakes his head. „They even have a credit running at their drugstore next door. They’re in all kinds of debts as far as I know, a hundred bucks or so from us wouldn’t help.“

„ _Simon_!“, I whisper again, but this time its almost a hiss.

That makes him turn his head toward me. He’s a bit shorter than me, so he has to look up a little to meet my eyes. Don’t think about how beautiful his eyes shimmer in the firelight. „You know Leah wouldn’t want you to tell everyone about this.“

A hint of guilt creeps onto his face.

„But she has to come with us“, Abby speaks up. Her voice is almost as desperate about the subject as Simon’s when he first told me about it. „It’s not the same without her.“

„Since when are you, like, BFFs?“ Nick turns his body toward his girlfriend, furrowing his eyebrows.

„What? We’re not. Or we are. We’re _all_ friends, right?“ I could swear she’s blushing.

Garrett raises his cup toward her, as to make a toast to what she said.

„The thing is“, Simon says, „Leah’s too proud to accept money from us. She doesn’t want us to pay for her shit.“

Now it’s Garrett furrowing his eyebrows. „Why would she turn us down if we offered it to her? If she really wanted to go to London she should be glad we’re willing to pay for her.“

„But how would you feel?“, I finally speak up, „If you’d never be able to buy the stuff you really want yourself, and always depend on someone else?“

He looks at me like I’ve made a point there.

„Okay, but what if we, like“, Abby says, gesturing vaguely with her hands, „raise money for her? Like some sort of charity.“

Simon’s eyes light up a little.

„I mean, it’s not the same thing, right? It wouldn’t be us paying for her _directly_ with our own money. It would be us _doing something_ to help her with the money we earned. Does that make sense?“

„Isn’t that technically the same thing?“, Garrett asks.

„I don’t think she’d turn that down“, Nick says, „Like, if we hosted a charity-run or something and pay for her trip with the money we earned. I think that’d be okay with her. I’m not sure, though. She can be weird sometimes.“

„It’s a difference when you say ' _I’m gonna pay for you with my own money that - God knows - I truly have enough of'_ and _'I’m gonna do something to earn money to help you out'_ , right?“

„Oh. My. God.“ Simon does an actual tiny jump. „Guys! That’s it! The musical.“

„The musical?“, Abby asks.

„The musical!“, Simon says.

„What musical?“ Garrett looks from Abby to Simon, back to Abby. „What are you talking about?“

„Maybe we can ask Ms. Albright to dedicate our play this year to raise up money for Leah“, Abby explains, but stops abruptly, „Wait. But she said we’re premiering in February.“

„We have to convince her to have the Opening Night in December“, Simon says, „She has to say Yes.“

„WELL, LOOK WHO I SPOT WITH MY TWO VERY OWN EYES“, a clearly drunk voice yells from behind. Shortly after that quite sudden introduction, Martin Addison arrives at our little group gathering.

Morgan, who’s been quietly standing next to Garrett the whole time, glares at him like he’s a whale stranded in Atlanta City.

„THE COOLEST KIDS OF SHADY CREEK.“ Martin faces Simon and me, eyeing us up and down. A smile creeps onto his face.

Abby and Nick stiffen up visibly, and I know they’re only seconds away from dragging him to the bonfire as if it were his stake.

„You two are such“, Martin burps, „an OTP.“

„I can’t believe he used OTP. Now I can’t say that ever again“, Abby hisses.

„Piss off, Martin“, Nick speaks up.

„Did you know“ Martin raises his index finger up level to my face.

I shift uncomfortably. I just hate being the center of attention. 

„Simon Spier here“ He chortles because of the rhyme. „is a fucking decent man?“

„I, uhm, I did know that, yeah“, I say.

„Man, if I were gay I’d ask you out.“ Martin moves his index finger a little to the right to now point at Simon’s face.

Simon raises an eyebrow at him. I don’t know how things have turned out between them. Of course Simon’d told me all about the blackmailing, and of Martin’s apology email, too, but I have no idea if he’d ever answered that.

„I’m just gonna—“ And to everyone’s surprise, Morgan moves forward, grabbing Martin by the shoulder. „I’m sure Mrs. Stein is just awaiting the first troubled youth she can lecture about underage drinking. Excuse us.“

I really love Morgan. She’s probably the best stepsister I could have asked for. And although we are basically polar opposites, we still learned to care for each other so much, especially since she moved in.

„I hate this asswipe so much, you don’t even know“, Abby cusses.

„ _I do_ know“, Simon says, lifting his cup up to his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I want this story to pick up already!! But I think one more Chapter and then things are really kicking off


	7. Bram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote/deleted/re-wrote this chapter about a hundred times *eye twitches* and I still don't like it. lol.   
> But now that that's done I'm hopefully able to get a new flow going and update more often!! (Plus I'm flying to Indonesia next week for one month, and although I'm backpacking there, I'll be with my boyfriend aka the person who motivates me to write the most, so you'll be getting more updates for sure!)
> 
> Also Simon singing to Bram I'm uwu

„I’m not even surprised you brought that“, Abby says an hour later when Nick and I return from my car. Nick’s carrying his guitar.

We have settled on the grass in front of the bonfire, and it’s actually quite nice. The warm summer night’s air is filled with laughter and the music from the stereo, to which Mrs. Stein returns every other minute to tell Cal to keep the sound at an _acceptable volume_ — meaning we can talk in our normal voices to each other having no trouble understanding.

I much prefer this kind of party, if you can call it that. Everyone around me is enjoyably drunk, no one’s a mess, and Martin has vanished from view.

„I swear, if you’re going to sing that _Spongebob Campfire Song_ song“, Abby says daringly, looking up to her boyfriend.

Simon giggles.

„You just don’t want to admit that I could pull even that off“, Nick grins, settling down next to his girlfriend, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. A few moments later he’s brushing his hands over the strings, releasing delicate sounds into the night.

„Did you think about the musical?“, Abby asks, looking at Simon.

„Yeah, but all that comes to mind is Hairspray, and if I ever have to watch Martin as Link Larkin I have to tear my eyeballs out of my head because _ew_.“ Simon scrunches his nose. One of his legs is overlapping one of mine and his foot nudges mine gently.

A few Juniors who are standing near the stereo system raise their cups and let out growls of joy as the first few notes of a familiar song come on.

„Oh, yeah, and we’d have trouble fitting Taylor in.“ Abby giggles. „I mean, how could she _possibly_ play the leading role of an overweighed girl with a metabolism like hers? Even if she tried…—“

„Why don’t _you_ audition for a bigger role?“ I look at Simon.

„Hm?“ He turns his head to me, the laugh still faint on his lips.

„I bet you’d be great as a lead character“, I say.

„But I can’t sing for shit“, Simon says.

„You say that a lot for someone who hums along to every song.“

Abby crosses her legs. She’s swinging partly to the rhythm of the music from the stereo, partly to Nick’s lazy guitar jamming. „I’ve never actually heard you sing, Simon.“

„Me neither“, I say, „Okay, well, unless we count the one time you pulled of a whole Lady Gaga concert under the shower because _everyone_ heard that.“

A small blush covers the apples of Simon’s cheeks. „Ever heard of privacy?“

„Ever heard of thin walls?“, I laugh, wrapping an arm around his waist.

„I swear, I wanna hear you sing now“, Abby says.

„What song?“, Nick turns toward her, clearing his throat.

„No, I mean Simon“, Abby waves him off.

„You sing?“, Nick asks, nodding his chin at Simon.

„Dude, you should hear his take on Lady Gaga.“

Simon darts his hand up to cover my mouth, but flinches when I threaten to bite into his thumb. He pauses, however, when he realizes everyone’s gaze is on him.  
„Guys, I’m not going to sing right now“, he says.

„But what if you have, like, the most beautiful singing voice and no one would ever know“, Morgan says, a dramatic undertone swinging with her words.

Nick clears his throat a little louder than needed.

Simon lifts his cup to his mouth, gulping down the entire content. „Fine. But if one of you laughs I’m gonna sue.“  
I pull my arm off his waist as he sits up straight, coughing theatrical like the stage kid he is.

„Do you need—“ Nick lifts his guitar suggestively, but Simon shakes his head.

Abby pulls her knees up to her chest, watching her best friend expectingly as he shoots her a death glare. I really have to hold on to myself not to laugh at the scenario.

That, however, fades quickly as soon as Simon opens his mouth and sings the first few lines of Elton John’s Your Song into the starry summer night. The first few words are barely audible with the chatter of all our fellow students around, and the faint music from the stereo, but Mrs. Stein must’ve returned to Cal, because suddenly the volume is turned down drastically, and everyone within a few meter’s reach can hear Simon’s voice.

„ _…ny, this feeling inside… I’m not one of those who can easily hide…_ “

Abby covers her mouth with her hand as if to hold a gasp inside.

„ _I don’t have much money, but boy_ if I did“ Simon glares at me for the fraction of a second and his mouth twitches a little. „ _I’d buy a big house where we both could live…_ “

His voice isn’t deep and raspy like Nick’s. He probably couldn’t pull off any classic rock song, but it somehow manages to get under everyone’s skin. It’s clear and melodic and beautiful and sweet and pure. Somehow, it feels more personal, like he's making a gift with every word.

Morgan leans into Garrett’s side, closing her eyes for a moment as she listens.

„ _If I was a sculptor, but then again, no. Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show. I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I can do_ “

Suddenly I feel Simon’s hand sliding into mine, intertwining our fingers. His thumb brushes in circles over my skin as he sings on.

„ _My gift is my song and this one’s for you_.“

The night around us disappears and all of a sudden we’re alone on the grass. The touch of his hand is the only thing I feel, and his voice the only thing I hear.

„ _And you can tell everybody this is your song. It may be quite_ simply _but, now that it’s done…_ “

I can feel Simon growing more confident by the second. I squeeze his hand a little.

„ _I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words how wonderful life is now you’re in the world._ “

He closes his mouth and the bonfire party reappears around us. The fire casts a shadow on the right side of his face, and I only realize he’s about to kiss me when his lips are almost touching mine. I know it sounds cliché, but I feel my blood bubbling up underneath my skin as our mouths touch, and I wish we weren’t on school grounds but at home, or in my car, or alone at least.

Garrett makes a gagging noise and I can tell, even though my eyes are shut, that Simon flips him off with his middle finger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon singing an Elton John song leave kudos if you agree 


	8. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back from the middle of nowhere aka the Togian-Islands! And guess who wrote like 6 more chapters of this story!  
> me. it's me. I did.

„Here. You. Go“, Abby says, panting, and drops a giant stack of papers into my lap. It’s Monday morning and I’m sitting next to Bram in the back of Mr. Wise’s classroom on the couch. We made it a habit to come early to class, so we could have some time for _homework_.

We don’t do actual homework.

But that Abby Suso is in school before the bell’s first ring is a thing unheard of. She’s that kind of person that is always late. Every time. Without exception.

„What the frick is that?“, I say, trying to get the loose papers back in order. Every single sheet is overflowing with words, some of them marked in neon colours of green, pink, and yellow.

„High School Musical“, she says, squeezing herself between Bram and me.

„What?“, I ask, scooting more to the left.

I had the idea on Friday after the bonfire“, she says, „Mainly because they were playing the _Breaking Free Remix_ like three times that night — but anyway, I rewrote the whole thing.“

I must still look like a lost puppy, because she sighs and tilts her head a little sideways, a thing she always does when she has to bring up a lot of patience. „Look, Simon, there’s this musical phenomena, called High School Musical, I’m sure you’ve seen the movies and eventually obsessed over Zac Efron.“

„I know what High School Musical is, I’m not a complete moron!“

„I could argue on that“, she says.

„Oh my god, you spend way too much time with Leah“, I say, „But what do you mean, you rewrote the whole thing?“

„Well, I, aka the only person who seems to care about our musical and Leah’s company in London, watched all three movies back to back, wrote it down in a loose script, merged it together and then translated it so it would fit us“, she explains, emphasising every comma pause with a gesture of her hands.

„Sorry, I don’t get it.“

„Simon!“, she almost screams, and I see Bram backing away a little. Abby’s clearly getting mad at me because I’m clearly at a loss, but she’s still shaking a little bit with excitement, and I can tell she enjoys talking about an idea of hers a little too much.  
„Okay, so my version of High School Musical would be about Troy Bolton, a white boy, who’s secretly gay, and loves theatre and singing and all that, but is too scared to pursue his dreams and star in a high school musical, because he fears that that might out him to the universe.“ She pauses. „However, due to some mysterious circumstances the captain of the basketball team outs him. Drama, drama, blah blah blah, but“ She makes a point of clearing her throat. „There are also these messages that he receives from mysterious boy™, and he doesn’t know who he is and—“

„Are you trying to sell our story?“, Bram asks, a grin twitching its way on his face.

„I’m not trying to _sell_ it, but it needs to be told!“ A slight blush creeps on her face. „I mean, who doesn’t wish for a story like that? Well, without the M-person-part.“

Before I get any chance to protest — that Bram and I’s story was definitely not all cute, but partly disappointing, sad, and potentially heart-wrenching — Bram himself steadies his elbows onto his knees, leaning forward. „I think it sounds great.“

„Excuse me?“ I raise my eyebrows at my oh-so-private, keeping-everything-to-himself boyfriend.

„Well, thank you very much, Bram“, Abby says, pronouncing every word in a very British way.

„No one wants to watch a gay musical“, I say.

„ _Every_ musical is gay“, Abby and Bram say at the same time. Abby shifts her body around, placing her legs over mine and Bram’s laps. „I’m going to show this to Ms. Albright, and if she likes it, you’re out, Simon, you have to obey the mass.“

I roll my eyes. I can’t help it. Of course, most of the times I feel like shouting about my luck with Bram from every rooftop, and you bet I told every single one of my family members the whole story by now, but it’s different when it comes to school.  
I mean, I had the f-word sprayed across my locker twice just during last week; the jocks filled my sneakers with lube while I was in P.E.; and Ned, the Quarterback, once tried to force me into a kiss in the middle of the science hallway.

 

***

 

Mr. Wise’s lesson is a blur, and I just find my focus back when he says „Mister Greenfeld, can I talk to you for a second, please.“ after the bell dismissed class.

Although he was obviously talking to Bram, I stay behind as well.

„Oh, did I miss something? Are you guys married now and therefore both named Greenfeld?“ Mr. Wise places his left butt cheek on his desk, looking Bram and me up and down, grinning slightly.

„No“, I say.

„Okay, Mister Spier, then I must ask you to leave now, I’m sorry. You can just wait outside, we won’t be long“, he says, gesturing towards the door.

Bram presses his palm against mine for a short moment and shoots me a smile accompanied by a small nod, and it’s just then when I leave.

Outside, Leah and Garrett are standing in front of Leah’s locker. Or to be specific: Garrett’s leaning against Leah’s locker and she looks annoyed.

„Come on, Burke“, he says, driving a hand through his auburn hair.

„Okay, listen, I do love Lord of the Rings, but there is no way I’m going to spend a whole night in a small cinema next to you watching all three movies back to back just because you want some cheese popcorn!“

„Did somebody tell you you sound like an old married couple?“, I ask, opening my locker next to Leah’s.

„Speaking of which, where’s the other half to _your_ old married couple?“, Leah asks.

„I’m right here.“ Bram slides his hand into mine from behind. I lean my shoulder against his a little. It’s crazy how incomplete I feel without him near after just half a year of dating.

„So you mean we could just get the cheese popcorn and leave?“, Garrett asks, winking.

„Oh my god, Laughlin, why don’t you ask your girlfriend?“ Leah tries to get to the lock of her locker, but Garrett’s shoulders are just way too broad.

„Because she hates everything that isn’t starring Jennifer Aniston“, Garrett says.

„If I say Yes to cheese popcorn, will you leave me alone for the rest of the day?“

„Mhm, fine.“

Leah rolls her eyes. „Then yes.“

Garrett holds out his hand for her to shake, and after she’s done so, he holds up his arms in defence and backs away from her locker. Leah gets her books out, slams the door shut and struts away in the other direction.

„Tell me again why they aren’t dating“, I ask.

Bram shrugs. „Maybe because Garrett is with Morgan? Or Leah just wants to be friends? I don’t know.“

„What did Mister Wise want?“, I ask, turning in his direction and leaning my back against the wall of lockers.

Bram slightly shakes his head. „Nothing worth mentioning. Just something about the paper from last week.“

„The one you got a hundred percent on?“

„Yeah, that one.“

„I’m so proud of you“, I say, looking up on him, „You know you could have it all with grades like yours.“

„New York. That’s what I want. And I want it with you“, he says and it almost melts my heart right then and there. Without thinking twice, I get on my tip toes and kiss him right on the lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (also I hope the HSM idea isn't bad, because I debated for a long time whether I should just let them do Hairspray xD)


	9. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update yay!!  
> I have fours days of backpacking left before I go back home *gags*

Abby’s script is perfect. It’s almost too cute, too Disney, to be performed in front of hormone-driven teenagers. I manage to read every single word of it at least three times during my statistics class.

Of course, the main character isn’t called Simon, and the boy who turns out to be the secret message-writer isn’t called Bram, but it’s more than obvious that it’s meant to be us.

I feel a few tears sting my eyes because of the accuracy of it all. Whenever I think back, back to that time almost one year ago, when Martin Addison outed me to the universe, I get a lump in my throat. Still, I don’t feel one hundred per cent comfortable. With my friends, my family, the people closest to me — yes, but when it comes to Shady Creek, the soccer team, even most of the teachers, I still feel the need to hide myself, even though there’s no going back at this point.

It’s probably easier for me than it is for Bram since he’s in the school’s soccer team, therefore people know who he is. It’s this strange thing with high schools, isn’t it? Someone at some point decides you’re one of the popular kids, because you like to kick a ball around, and suddenly everyone and there mother cares about your private life.

It’s kind of crazy at school sometimes, especially now that we’re seniors, Garrett, Bram, and Nick are the stars of the soccer team. I’m not mad about it, though — I like getting to kiss Bram after an important game — it’s just that I can feel that he’s not fully content with the situation himself. Bram is more of a person that keeps everything to himself, he’s not one to go out either, but that’s kind of on the schedule when you score at least one goal in every game you’re in.

Leah sits next to me in statistics, and since it’s our last class of the day, she has her head tilted sideways and steadied on her right hand, letting her long hair fall like a curtain over one side of her face.

For a second I think about drawing a moustache above her upper lip, but it’s just when I reach for the sharpie when she opens her eyes.

„Don’t you dare!“, she hisses, then her eyes fall upon the stack of papers in front of me that are partly covered by my textbook. „What’ve you got there?“

I’m about to show her when I realise I can’t tell her about the musical. I shake my head, „Nothing, just something for AP history.“

Bored to the very last extinct she closes her eyes again.

„So, are you going out with Garrett?“, I ask in a low whisper — partly because I try to seem at least mildly interested in math, partly because Garrett is sitting a row in front of us, raising his hand for the thousandth time during this lesson. You wouldn’t think so, but Garrett is kinda a math genius.

„We’re not _going out_!“, Leah whisper-shouts.

„Okay, okay. Are the two of you, totally _separately_ and _independent_ from each other, going to go to, as it just so happens, the same cinema in Shady Creek?“

She rolls her eyes. „Well, I guess.“

„What’s his deal, though. Like, with Morgan.“

„I don’t fucking know“, Leah says, shaking her head a little, „And it’s not like I care. We’re going as… _friends_. At least from my point of view.“

I drum my fingers on my textbook. „Okay.“

 

***

 

„Okay, Abby Suso, this is gold!“, I say, raising the script as I enter the auditorium that afternoon, „ _Why_ is it gold, though? You’ve never told me you’re so talented in script writing!“

Abby sits on the stage’s edge, her feet dangling in the orchestra area. She’s talking to Nick, who sits next to her and has his arms crossed in front of his chest, and she continues talking although I’m sure she heard me.

I stop so abruptly I almost fall over — a thing only I could manage.

Nick shakes his head at Abby, scooting back on the stage and getting onto his knees. Abby’s face, that usually rests in a faint, doll-like smile, frowns, but she lets him leave through the backdoor without saying one more word.  
As soon as he’s gone, she hops onto the piano in the orchestra area, and comes running up to me.

I’m about to ask her about her boyfriend, but she’s faster.

„I don’t think I have any talent, it’s just something I’m very passionate about, but thank you very much, Simon.“

„Are you going to show it to Miss Albright?“, I ask.

„Positutely!“, she exclaims, „I don’t think anyone has wasted one thought on our musical anyway, so we’re probably going to do it. And I did quite well, if I do say so myself.“

„You did! I might make you write my wedding vows“, I say.

„Aw, Si, that’s the cutest thing! But as long as you don’t want your wedding vows to become some sort of musical performance, you might reconsider that.“

I wrap an arm around her shoulders. „You know, I might actually need to pull off an actual musical performance, since Bram is going to pull a full on Goethe in his vows, so.“

„Please tell me you’re getting married soon, otherwise I’ll either vomit or die of cuteness.“ She leans her head against my chest, which is oddly awkward and comforting while walking at the same time.

 

***

 

Miss Albright turns out to be Abby’s second biggest fan. She comes right after me. Although she’s a little taken aback when we, Abby and I, try to explain to her that we need the opening night to be in three months, not four.

„Guys“, she says, „That’s impossible! We need at least one month to do all the artwork. Then we need to practise the singing, and the acting, and then everything again once you’re off book! Why do you want it to be in December anyway?“

Abby quickly explains the Leah situation. All the other theatre kids hang onto her lips, immediately grasping the seriousness of the situation. That’s the great thing about Drama people: They won’t ask for your intentions if they see you feeling passionate about something.

My sister, Nora, sits opposite of me, back leaned against Cal Price’s shoulder. They’re getting a little too close for my taste. On one hand I feel this way because _I_ once had _the idea_ of feelings for Cal, and on the other she’s still my little sister.

Nora sticks her tongue out once she catches me watching her.

„Wow“, Miss Albright says, „Honestly, Abby, Simon, you’re probably the best friends anyone could ask for, but it’s just not possible. Organising and practising a musical in such a short amount of time… I’m sorry, guys.“

I feel Abby sinking into herself. Somehow that makes me even more enthusiastic.

„Why don’t we ask the soccer team to help us?“, I ask.

Abby turns her head towards me.

„I mean, for example the soccer team. We could ask them to help setting up the stage scenery, and with the lights and stuff. Cal could teach them with the tech stuff.“

„Okay, I see you’re getting initiative, Simon“ Miss Albright nods. „but don’t forget that the soccer team is called soccer team for a reason. They play soccer.“

„Sure“, I say, „But if it’s not high season they only have practice twice a week. They could help the other three afternoons.“

„And what makes you think they would hep us out?“, Miss Albright asks, raising her eyebrows in two quick motions at me.

Don’t mention Bram or this is going to become even more awkward.

„Leah has friends in the soccer team“, I say.

„Yeah, one of those friends is Garrett Laughlin, and he’s the captain. It’s pretty certain he’d say yes and convince the rest of the team“, Abby says.

„We can tell them we’d organise a feast after their next game, pizza and all that, no matter if they win or lose“, Nora says, to everyone’s surprise.

Cal turns her head to her and nods slowly. Can I just mention that I’m still not over his hair glow-up? I mean, the bangs were cute — we’ve already established that — but the whole thing pushed back and, if I’m correct, a little darker, is just…hot.

I bite the insides of my cheeks and force my attention back on the current situation. It doesn’t work.

In my mind a fantasy rises of me kissing the boy of my dreams, and luckily I see Bram and not Cal when I pull back a little. I feel his hands with the knobbly fingers travel all over my body, under my shirt even — and that’s when I start to feel uncomfortable.

Not because of Bram’s hands on my bare skin but because I’m literally getting a boner in the middle of class.

I clear my throat, trying to think of something innocent, like chicken wings, or Heidi Klum.

„Are you okay?“, Abby whispers.

I cross my underarms over my lap, gently pushing down what even Heidi Klum can’t stop from rising up. „Yes. I just really, really need to pee.“

 

***

 

Peeing with a boner is not an option, for everyone who has ever wondered. Not that I had to pee in the first place anyway. Now I just sit in an empty bathroom stall on a closed toilet seat, trying to cool down.

Something like this, getting a boner out of nowhere, is kind of on a daily schedule for me by now. I mean, it’s not like it has never happened before, even I have been fourteen once, but it’s kinda extreme these days.

The other day I got one up just from watching a Tide-Pods commercial.

Then again that evening while having dinner with my family. Let’s just say I’ve never left anything of Chinese take away behind until that night. I couldn’t get to my room fast enough.

It also happened a lot when Bram and I first got together. Of course, everything was new and exciting, but also awkward, because we were both virgins.

We _are_ both virgins.

And that might be what’s causing the pressure in my jeans. The thing is, though, everything is awkward if both parts of a relationship have never done the do before. And it gets even more awkward if both parts are homosexuals in a very heterosized world.

I mean, I know how it works, I’ve seen porn, and pictures and whatnot, but I have no idea how to start it. It’s not like Bram and I have done nothing these past six months, but we’re both definitely better over text. Things sometimes get really steamy in our WhatsApp convo, but there’s a lot more of awkward laughter and sweat in person. A lot of sweat. That’s a thing non-virgins don’t tell you: Sexual interactions mean sweating like a pig.

So, yeah, there’s been a handjob between me and Bram recently, which is kind of what kicked all these random fantasies off. I don’t think there’s a need for me to mention that I managed to even make that handjob awkward. In case you’re wondering how I did that, I basically came as soon as Bram’s fingers tucked under the waistband of my boxers. It wasn’t my greatest moment.

„Si?“, I hear Abby’s voice. Heels are clacking against the tiles of the bathroom floor. „Miss Albright gave us five, and I’m worried about you. Are you here? Is everything alright?“

„I’m here.“ I unlock my personal stall.

„You okay?“, she asks again, looking down on me.

„Yeah…“, I drag out, then I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, „Okay, no. Abby, can I ask you a question?“

„Sure“, she says.

„How does one… How does one have sex?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha ha ha...okay, so just to inform you on this, I'm not going to write smut in this story. Believe me, I've tried and my awkward ass is just not good at it :D But still, uhm, there's going to be quite a bit of talking about /it/ in the next chapters, because SimoN IS A DISASTER


	10. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, hello, this is awkward but was hella funny to write :D

Abby still hasn’t calmed down five minutes later. We’ve swapped places, so now she’s sitting on the toilet lid and I’m standing in front of her. She’s been laughing her ass off for the past minutes.

„Simon, you…are…so…freaking adorable“, she pants, „I can’t.“

I cross my arms in front of my chest. „Alright, I’m gonna go. Call me once you’re back to normal.“

„Oh come on!“ She tries to hide her grin. „It’s fine! It’s just…your question was so cute, I physically can not.“

I roll my eyes at her.

„Okay.“ She snaps her fingers and makes a serious face. „Okayokayokay. Thanks for coming to my office with this question, Mister Spier.“

„Oh my god.“

„What do you want to know? Do you want me to start with anatomy or—“

„Abby, no!“, I say, „Stop!“

She presses her lips together to fight another grin.

„I just…“ I drive a hand through my hair, then I squad down and sit on the bathroom floor. „I just want to know how to start it. Whenever Bram and I… _do things_ …it’s insanely awkward. You know, the real deal, with nervous laughter and sweaty palms.“

Abby covers her smiley mouth with one hand while watching me like her child that just did his first steps. „Simon. That’s perfectly normal! Sex is, in point of fact, very awkward and sweaty, and let me just tell you, if you can laugh with your partner while frickle-frackling, you’ve found your person.“

„Okay, fine, but how does one, hypothetically speaking, start the act?“

„Hm, I don’t know.“ She scratches her chin. „Have you ever heard of making out?“

„Yeah okay, fast forward“, I say, „We’re already just in our boxers.“

„Oh, alright. Are both of you hard?“

„Abby!“

She raises her hands in defence. „Okay, okay. I don’t know, Simon. You kind of just do it. Get naked.“

I try to swallow down what’s rising up as soon as my mind gets the suggestion of Bram naked.

„Use lube I suppose?“, she suggests, „And condoms. Don’t get pregnant.“

„Ha ha“, I make.

„Honestly, just don’t expect your first time to be great. It can sometimes be relatively good, I guess, and I don’t know what it’s like for…for gay people, but it’s not like in the movies. Sex as you see in Hollywood films is not real. Sex as you see it in porn is not real. Just turn down your expectations.“

„Sounds like your first time was the berries“, I say.

„Have I never told you that?“, she asks, „It was with a guy back in DC, Travis, and it lasted for approximately one and a half minute before he was done.“

„Ugh.“

„Yeah. But you know, it wasn’t that bad. It didn’t hurt or whatever. And the bright side is, it’s only going to get better and better after your first time“, she says.

„Sounds like sex sucks the first time you do it.“

„Oh, Si, no. Nonono.“ She drops from the toilet seat to the ground in front of me. „Your first time is going to be magical. As long as you don’t expect it to be.“

I sigh. „Fine. You’ve successfully destroyed everything I’d hoped for.“

„Just don’t think it’s going to be perfect. Things are going to get messy, there’s going to be a few, maybe more, awkward moments, and the more you laugh about them the better. Just relax and let it happen. Or do it. I don’t know. Simon, do you want to let it happen or do you want to do it?“

„Did you just ask me whether I am a bottom or a top?“ Now it’s me who’s biting down a grin.

Abby blushes a little. „Sorry. No. Sorry. I didn’t mean to—“

„I think I want Bram to do it.“

„Oh.“

„Is this awkward now?“, I ask

„Yes, but it’s fine“, she says, hugging me.

 

***

 

After school, Abby and I meet the others at Waffle House for some carbs — and of course to convince them to help us out regarding the musical. Garrett stuffs his face with a waffle that’s covered half in peanut butter, half in cream cheese. Abby watches him with a disgusted look on her face.

It’s a surprise Nick even came after what I had witnessed in the auditorium between him and Abby. But that doesn’t mean anything, he might sit next to her, but he’s perfectly silent and his arm isn’t spread around Abby’s shoulders.

I bite down on my bottom lip, looking from him to Abby, and back. I hate when there’s a fight within my group of friends. And it’s even worse when a couple starts to fight and _both_ of them are my best friends.

_I don’t even know why they are mad at each other. I need to calm down._

„Of course we can help“, Garrett says with his mouth full.

Abby scrunches her nose.

I feel something nudge against my shin. It’s Bram’s foot. He’s sitting on the bench opposite of me, his head in his hands, smiling at me. I nudge him back.

„But don’t let us do the artwork. Just sayin’. You don’t want a wall covered in penises“, Garrett continues, „But the tech shit is cool. I’m game.“

„Mhm, I don’t know“, Nick says, „I mean…I managed to get some gigs downtown, and most of them want me to be there quite early, so I’ll have to leave right after class.“

„Just tell them it’s a school thing.“ Abby rolls her eyes at him.

„Well, it’s not that easy.“

„Seriously?“ I forget about Bram’s foot slowly traveling up my leg. „Don’t be an asshole, Nick. This is about Leah, your best friend. Get your shit together!“

„You’re one to talk“, Nick snaps back.

I raise my eyebrows, but before I can ask what he means he’s already shaking his head.

„Forget it. I’ll manage.“

„Good“, Abby says bitterly and I shut my mouth.

Bram’s foot falls back to the ground and he grabs my hand over the table instead. We’re both sharing a piece of Oreo cake that neither of us has touched.

„I’m just saying“ Nick leans a little forward to look at me around Abby. „Leah will hate it. She will hate that everyone knows that she needs help with money and shit. Maybe we should rather start a garage sale or something instead of a fucking musical.“

„Just because you can’t stand the idea of not being the one hitting the high notes for once“, Abby murmurs.

„I never said that“, Nick fights back.

„There was no need to“, Abby says.

Nick gets up from his seat. „You know what?“ He pauses. „Whatever. I’m leaving. I’ll see y’all tomorrow.“

Abby looks down at her Waffle Muffin (don’t ask me to describe what that looks like), and pushes the small plate a few centimetres away from her.

„Are you still eating that?“, Garrett asks.

Abby shakes her head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I love Nick lol so don't worry TOO much (worry a little tho...a little)


	11. Bram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my constant updating, I just have A LOT pre-written and I won't be able to post in the next, like, three days because I fly back home from Indonesia tomorrow :(

The whole week is a blur, and the only moments I really focus on anything is when I am with Simon. Which isn’t the case that often. Soccer practise still is three times a week until the beginning of October, and whenever I’m not out on the field, I’m inside in a plush chair and watch the Drama people audition for parts in the musical.

I’m a little disappointed when I miss Simon’s audition — I’d give anything to hear him sing again — but it must’ve been great since everyone has suddenly become really fond of him. It’s pretty clear that he’s about to get the main role. I mean, it’s supposed to be him anyway.

Taylor Metternich is a little pissed, since the musical is about two _boys_ falling in love, so she hasn’t much space in it. She becomes so annoying that Cal and Miss Albright decide to give her one solo song, and after that she’s a little happier and the last hour of practise is just about her.

Nora and a few other sophomores are busy planning and painting the different stage sceneries, although Miss Albright decided that this musical is going to be quite minimalistic.

On Thursday, Cal and Bennett, a junior who usually does the lights ad effects alone, show us around the tech stuff. Garrett finds his way around easily, but I’m more one to watch the scenarios on stage. Meaning I’m watching my boyfriend.

It’s still hard to believe this cute ball of absolute sunlight loves me.

I pretend to assist with the lights, but it’s really more Michael and Garrett doing the work, so I just sit up above the stage, swinging my legs back and forth through the air.

„Mister Greenfeld, please take your legs back up or at least stop projecting so much shadow directly on Taylor’s face“, Miss Albright shouts, and I pull my legs back up to my chest.

 

***

 

„There’s a message for you on the kitchen table“, Paul says once Morgan and I enter through the door on Friday evening. She’s gone as soon as the door falls shut behind us.

I go straight to the kitchen. There is indeed a note on the table, right next to a bowl of leftover spaghetti in avocado-cream cheese sauce. It’s written in Paul’s handwriting.

I roll my eyes. _Why didn’t he just tell me if he knows what it’s about?_ I take the bright yellow post-it into my hands and skim it.

_Your dad called. He’s in town. Said something about writing. Call him back asap_

I sigh and grab my phone out of my pocket. I have two missed calls from my dad. There’s neither connection nor wireless at school, which is why I didn’t answer them. I tap the call back icon on the screen and press the phone to my right ear.

„Hi, Bram“, dad says after two rings.

„Hey“, I say.

He’s silent.

„What did you want?“, I ask, getting a fork out of a drawer. I begin to eat the spaghetti right out of the big bowl.

„Oh right, I spoke to Arthur“

Arthur is Mister Wise.

„and he told me about your writing and the offer you’ve got.“

„Yeah“, I drag out. It’s been a long week, and I was really looking forward to my bed.

„Let’s meet tomorrow for breakfast“, dad says, „Waffle House at ten? You have to tell me everything!“

„Alright“, I let out a long breath, „But be warned, there’s not too much to tell you. Nothing’s sure yet.“

„I’m proud of you.“

„I know.“

I can hear him smiling. „See you tomorrow morning. Love you.“

„Love you, too“, I say, hanging up, and downing the whole spaghetti bowl in a matter of seconds.

 

***

 

> Simon (Saturday @ 8:47am): hey, no worries! :) Have fun with your dad and we’ll just meet around 2? We might have to take Bieber on a walk then tho

 

> Bram (Saturday @ 8:52am): You’re the best!! ❤️ Sorry for again for cancelling our Oreo-breakfast date. We’ll just make it an Oreo-lunch, right?

 

> Simon (Saturday @ 8:55am): Bet on it.

 

When I get to Waffle House around ten am on Saturday morning my dad is already sitting in a booth. I’m wearing sweats and a hoodie, even though it’s quite warm outside. A wise man called Simon Spier once said Georgia’s weather is either hoodie weather or weather where you wear a hoodie anyway.

Once dad spots me passing by the two tired waiters — I actually know both of them from school — he raises his left hand and waves frantically at me, as if I could miss him, the only other black guy in the room. It’s crazy how white Shady Creek is on Saturday mornings.

„Hi.“ I sit down on the bench opposite of him.

He smiles. „How d’you do?“

„Good. What about you? How’s Caleb?“ He drifts off into an anecdote about my little brother, who’s roughly seven weeks old by now, and really, he doesn’t do much other than sleep and shit his pants.

Simon actually loves Caleb. I mean, I love him as well, he’s my little brother after all, and he looks like a tiny, whiter version of me, but I’m not obsessed. When I took Simon with me to Savannah a few days after Caleb was born he cried actual tears because he’s, quote unquote, _‚never seen anything so cute accept for Bieber‘_.

Simon is just too precious for this world.

I only realise that my mind has once again been completely occupied by my boyfriend when I feel my dad staring at me.

„Cute“, I say, because that is the only thing you can call a baby, isn’t it?

„And how!“, he says, „But alright, what about you? Tell me about the offer.“

„I thought Mister Wise told you.“

„Yes, but I want to hear it from you.“ He takes a sip from his coffee.

I bite down on my bottom lip. I just hate when I’m the centre of attention, even if it’s just my dad. That’s why I like to write in the first place. Everything I create is never about me, maybe it’s inspired by things that happened in my life, but the focus is on different characters. I can sort of hide myself in them.

„The last week of Junior year I gave Mister Wise a short story I wrote kind of on a whim. It’s around twenty thousand words—“

„Wow.“

„and I wrote it within a few days. I’m really proud of it, but I never intended it to become anything“, I continue, „And then I gave it to him, like I said, because he’s read my stuff before, and he obviously knows what he’s talking about when he gives me tips, and then at the end of summer break he called me all of a sudden and asked me if I was interested to get this story published.“

„That’s great!“

I force down a smile. Of course it is, in fact, _more_ than just great. Getting published is a dream of mine since I learned how to write. It’s just that nothing’s safe yet, and dad knows this. Mister Wise is friends with two professors at UGA, and they’re both writers, and they were looking for a third story to get into their anthology, so Mister Wise showed them mine.  
Obviously, since both of the professors already are published authors, this is really exciting and could do a lot for me, but I don’t want to jinx anything by being too excited beforehand.

„Do I get to read it before?“, he asks, grinning.

The waitress arrives with two plates full of stacks of waffles. She places the one that’s covered in chocolate sauce and fruits in front of me, the one with whipped cream in front of dad.

„I’m sure you already know the story, dad.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhh so Bram has The Dream™ going on ooohhh   
> Will this result in drama?  
> Maybe  
> Probably  
> Who knows


	12. Bram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you hate awkward chapters... It will be over sooner or later

When I get to Simon’s around 1:30 pm, Alice is the one opening the door for me.

„Bram!“ She hugs me.

„Hey!“, I say, a little damped by the curtain of her hair falling into my face, „I didn’t know you were home! How’s college?“

„Okay“, she says, „It’s college.“

„Yeah.“

„Si’s in the garden with Bieber. Oh my god, Bram, we just had lunch, right? And dad made pizza, chili pizza to be exact, and I swear to God, Simon started crying when he took the first bite because he thought it was paprika“, she babbles as she leads me through the house as if I hadn’t been there a hundred times before.

I spot Simon through the veranda doors. He’s sitting in the hammock the Spiers installed between the two trees in their garden, Bieber in his lap.

„Tell him he still needs to do the dishes“, Alice says, then she runs up the stairs to her room, leaving me alone.

Simon lifts his head when I step out through the glass door. A grin spreads on his face.

„Congratulations, Mister Abraham Louis Greenfeld“

I cringe at my full name.

„You have successfully chosen the right — the only right — outfit for the event of Netflix and Oreoing.“

„Oreoing“, I repeat, because repeating words is my kind of humour.

Bieber jumps down from the hammock, speeding up towards me. As soon as I pet the spot next to his ears, he falls down and rolls onto his back, flipping his one leg.

„He’s so needy.“ Simon jumps the few steps to the veranda up as well. He’s neither wearing socks nor shoes. He waits for me to finish petting the dog, then he places a kiss on my lips. „Did you have lunch already?“

„I’ve had the biggest breakfast this morning.“

He tilts his head to the side.

„My dad’s in town“, I explain.

„Oh“, he makes, „Alright. How’s he doing?“

„Good.“

„Anyway“, Simon says, „I’ve had lunch, but as I’m sure Alice or Nora, whoever opened the door for you, has already told you, it wasn’t that great.“

I let out a laugh.

„And I had to do the weekly shopping yesterday and I bought like five packs of Mini Oreos and Reese’s. We could fill a bowl for each of us and add milk!“

„Amazing how excited you get just talking about sweets“, I point out.

„It’s the little things.“

 

***

 

Simon and I settle for only Reese’s as a snack while watching Doctor Who, mainly because we’re both too lazy to get bowls and milk ready to use. As always we lay on the couch in the living room, since Simon’s mom is in her office next doors and she still won’t allow us to be alone in his room with the door shut.

It’s not even like Simon’s parents are super strict, because honestly, when they found Simon and me with two bottles of wine in their garden one evening when they got home early from their date night, they just sat and drank with us. But when it comes to letting their son have sex? No way.

I shake my head a little. The Doctor is currently trying to save the TARDIS from exploding, and everything is super tensed and exciting, but I can’t seem to focus. Sex is something I’m thinking more and more about lately. Sometimes, I can’t even look at Simon while he’s talking because I can’t help it but picture him doing something else with his mouth.

I squeeze my eyes shut. _I need to stop._

I know sex isn’t a drama-worthy topic in most people’s opinion, I mean we’re living in the 21st century. Except I’m not most people. Being gay, and being alone with it (excluding Simon), means you have no one to really ask the obligatory questions. Of course I know where something goes in, and roughly how it works, but how do I make it _enjoyable_? And how do I start it in the first place?

Talking about sex is hard.

 _Ha ha_. No pun intended.

I feel Simon’s hand traveling up my chest. My arms are wrapped around him so I’m the big spoon, and I hadn’t noticed that he has turned around to look up at me. Now I realise it, though, with his lips softly sucking on my neck.

The sounds of fire, screams, and technical _bleeps_ and _bloops_ disappear as his mouth finds mine. Our kiss doesn’t stay innocent for long, making out is something we’ve been doing a lot, and soon I’m halfway above him, steadying myself on my underarms on either side of him. Simon’s fingers gaze the nape of my neck. Our tongues touch. His hip buckles up.

I pull back. Our mouths make a loud smacking noise when they part, and I immediately pull my legs up to my chest as if I need to protect myself.

„Are you okay?“, Simon asks, narrowing his silver eyes.

„Yeah“, I swallow. I try to guide my mind to cooler thoughts, but as soon as my eyes fall upon Simon’s, from that much kissing swollen, lips, there’s no way I can control what I’m thinking anymore.

„Maybe we should go upstairs“, Simon says. His eyes are locked to a sofa pillow right next to my shoulder.

„Okay.“

I follow him, carrying the bag of Reese’s in front of my crotch all the way up. Simon closes the door behind us.

„What about your mom?“, I ask, standing still in the middle of the room.

„She has a phone conference with other psychologists.“ Simon turns the key inside the lock. „She’s wearing a headset and doesn’t hear anything at all.“

„Good.“ I swallow again.

Simon takes his shirt off. It happens so quick I don’t have time to prepare myself. The next thing I know is we’re laying on the bed, kissing again. Simon pushes me onto my back, and then awkwardly gets onto my lap. His weight right on this specific spot almost makes me moan out loud.

„Si—“

He bows down to kiss me again. I feel his hands traveling up my chest once again, this time under my shirt. I don’t know if I’m imagining this, but his fingers seem to be trembling a little.

I turn my head a little sideways to free my lips, simultaneously my hands grab his.

„Simon.“

He sits up straight, shifting his weight a little, and I have to bite my lip to keep eventual noises to myself. „Hm?“

„What…I mean… What are we doing right now?“, I ask. Already, I can feel the heat rising up to my cheeks.

„I don’t know“, he says, „Making out?“

„Yeah, no, you know what I mean.“

His eyes fall on a spot somewhere on the wall behind me, and it seems as if he’s taking three deep breathes, before he continues talking. „I want to have sex with you.“


	13. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly...I love writing this fic SO MUCH ok bye

Bram shifts uncomfortably underneath me, causing me to slide a little forward, sitting thighs spread to either side of his body on his stomach. We’re both hard, and every little movement is causing some very intense friction right now.

We’ve been silent for a whole minute now. Bram is looking at everything in the room but me. His hands are still closed around mine, keeping me from moving.

„I, uhm“, Bram finally mumbles, „I need to be home around four, so…“

„Oh.“ I get off him, crawling to the edge of my bed.

„Yep.“

Silence for another minute.

For everyone who knows me knows that I’m not one to leave things unspoken. It bugs me like a pebble in my shoe. I clear my throat. Suddenly the air, that used to be almost steaming when Bram and I were occupied with each other, turns arctic cold.

„You can just tell me if you don’t want to“, I speak up.

Silence.

To my surprise, Bram lets out a snort and rolls his eyes. I’ve never seen him doing such a Leah thing. „Simon, I swear to God.“

„What?“ I cross my arms in front of my chest.

He shakes his head and sits up straight. „Of course I want to have sex with you.“ He pauses. „That’s all I can think about.“

I turn my body back towards him. „Okay. Same.“ I place one hand back on his chest. He closes his around it almost as soon as I touch his skin to hold me still.

„But“, he says, „I don’t know…how…like, I don’t know what you want me to do.“

„What do _you_ want to do?“, I ask. Even though I’m wearing comfortable sweatpants, as per usual on a Saturday, things are getting tight.

I feel Bram’s palms getting sweaty around mine. „I don’t know. Kiss you?“

I nod slowly. Don’t ask me where I’m gaining my confidence in this from, Bram’s stressed expression just makes me want to guide him into this. „Alright, fast forward a little.“

My right underarm is lying diagonally over his stomach as he leans back into the mattress now, and I can feel his hips move a little.

„Si.“

I feel my hand tremble but I guide it down his torso anyway. _You just gotta do it_ , Abby’s voice echoes in my head. And it’s true. I mean, I _want_ to do it so bad, I just gotta stop overthinking. And _everyone_ else does it as well.

_Great, now I’m thinking about Martin Addison humping some poor girl._

„Hey. Okay. Stop.“ Bram grabs my hand again. Somehow that gets me even hotter. _God, I’m a disaster_. „Maybe we should just, like, talk about it.“

„Talk?“ My mouth is dry. I don’t want to talk right now. I _physically_ cannot talk right now.

„Talk.“

„Or maybe we should just do it“, I say.

„Yeah, no, Simon, I’m not going to hurt you.“

„I don’t mean sex. Not, like, right now.“

„Well, maybe you should let me know that!“ He squeezes my fingers in his.

„Just let me—“ I try to free my hand. Just in that very moment, the door of my room bursts open, revealing my mother standing in the frame of it, holding up a substitute key. And I don’t have my shirt on.

She has her phone pressed to her chest. _Door stays open!_ , she mouthes and shoots me a strict look. _And put your shirt back on_. With that she disappears down the hallway.

I can already feel the sex talk coming up when I put my shirt back over my head.

 

***

 

Bram leaves after dinner, which is more of an awkward innuendo showoff than actual food intake. Nora and Alice disappear into their rooms, but mom and dad ask me to stay behind — of course.

„So“, mom begins casually as I’m loading the dishwasher with dirty plates, „What did you and Bram do today?“

„Watched a couple of TV episodes on Netflix“, I say, avoiding eye contact.

Dad leans against the kitchen counter, drumming his hands against the wooden surface. „Is that, like, slang for sex?“

I almost drop the used cutlery all over the floor. „Dad!“

„Oh, yeah, drama drama, I said the word, oh _no_ “, he says in a funny voice, gesturing vaguely with his hands. „Guess what, Simon? You are the product of sex. That’s your origin.“

„Stop or I’m going to vomit into the dishwasher!“

„Honey“, mom places a hand on my shoulder, „We just don’t want you to fasten anything. Are you comfortable? Is Bram the right one to do it with?“

I feel an actual gag coming up — it might as well just be the smell of the dishwasher that’s making me nauseated (although my mom always argues that dishwashers have no smell. She’s wrong. They stink.).   
„No, you know what you’re doing? _Again_? You’re making a big deal out of something that doesn’t need to be a big deal. You said it yourself. Everyone has sex. _Alice_ has sex, or what do you think she’s doing with Theo? And Nora? Maybe you should look what she’s up to as well. I hope they both had to get through this as well, otherwise I’m—“

„Are you still a virgin?“, dad asks out of the blue.

I shut my mouth for a second. „Yes“, I answer then.

He nods. If it was for another situation I’d might actual laugh at the uncomfortable look on his face. I mean, my dad is great, and he’s been super supporting and accepting in everything I do — including coming out — but he’s just so awkward with everything unfamiliar.  
„If you want to know anything…“

„Sure“, I say quickly, more to shut him up than accepting the offer.

„Do you want me to bring condoms the next time I go to Target?“, mom asks.

I let my chin fall against my chest. It’s hopeless. I might as well just die of embarrassment right now.

„We won’t make it a big deal.“ Mom messes up my hair. „Just don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with and talk to us if you need any help.“

„Okay“, I say, „Are you done?“

„Yes“, mom and dad say at the same time.

„Thank God.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for scientific research: Do you also think dishwashers stink? BecaUSE I THINK SO AND MY MOM ALWAYS MAKES FUN OF ME BECAUSE OF THAT


	14. Simon

„Oh my God“, Abby says, „Your parents truly are something else.“

It’s Monday afternoon and Abby and I have kind of declared the boy’s bathroom down on the auditorium floor as our official discussion bureau. We sit on the floor, which is mostly clean, and share a pack of Oreos.

„So I might need some help“, I say, „I mean, it can’t happen at home for obvious reasons. My parents are watching me with eagle eyes to spot every possible change in me, and at Bram’s there’s always someone home now that his mom is dating Paul.“

„There are lots of motels just outside Atlanta“, Abby suggests, „Ugh, I’m jealous.“

„Why?“, I ask.

She shrugs. „Been a while since I got laid.“

„Huh?“, I make, „What about Nick?“

„Yeah, _Nick_.“ She drags out his name.

„What’s the matter with the both of you?“

„Honestly?“ Abby crosses her arms in front of her chest. „All he’s thinking about is his music. Which would be fine if he wouldn’t be so into himself. Like, he isn’t the only one who’s making life-changing decisions right now.“

„Life changing decisions“, I repeat, „This sounds like college.“

She nods. „Yup. He keeps saying he doesn’t want to go. Like, that would be alright, you know, college isn’t for everyone, but—“

„Wait, what d’you mean he doesn’t want to go?“ I feel my stomach drop an inch into nothingness. Nick and I have been in the same class ever since we started kindergarten. Doing college without him doesn’t seem right.

„Just ask him yourself. I’ll just get heated up again talking about that.“ Abby rolls her eyes. „I’ve actually been talking more _to Leah_ about college than to him.“

I bite the insides of my cheeks. The possibility of starting the next part of my life somewhere outside of Georgia without Nick Eisner doesn’t sit well with me.

„Anyway, what sucks the most is that Nick is so far up his own ass at the moment.“ Abby finishes the last cookie. „Which I can totally understand on an objective level, like, of course, he’s a great singer, musician, whatever, but he’s not the pope of pop music.“ She frowns. „And this is totally because of Taylor.“

„Metternich?“

„What other Taylor do we know?“

„About twenty“, I say.

„Yes, but we only refer to Taylor Metternich as just _Taylor_.“ Abby frowns again at the amounts of times she just had to say the same name. „However, she’s clinging to him like a moth to light, it’s annoying.“

„Understandable.“

„I just…like, I don’t even know if I’m jealous?“ She makes it sound like a question. Careful, like she almost feels guilty for her emotions. „She’s just annoying, that’s what’s pissing me off.“

_Note to self: Stop Nick from being such a butthole._

„Back to you.“ Abby snaps out of her bad mood with a wave of her hand. „You’re not planning to go all in, are you? Like, sex-wise. I don’t know how it works for you, but doesn’t it hurt if you just…put something up your ass?“

I almost choke on my cookie because of the sudden laughter I need to let out. I cough.

„Sorry“, Abby says, „Was that, like, homophobic?“

„I don’t think so“, I say, still laughing, „And how do you know I’ve never had something up my butt?“

„Ew, Simon!“

„Just kidding“, I say, making a waving gesture with my left hand, „I mean, I have never done it so therefore I don’t know.“

„Have you _talked_ to Bram about this?“, Abby asks.

„Well, we had a kind of conversation“, I say vaguely, „More or less.“

„Communication is key. If you don’t talk it’s not going to be good.“

„You’re like a sex guru, Abby Suso“, I grin.

She gets up on her feet. „Alright, I’m leaving.“

 

***

 

Did I mention I had been cast as the main character in Abby’s take on High School Musical? The gay guy who feels the need to hide being gay, falls in love with a secret guy, and eventually gets outed to everyone? Yeah, I play that kid.

Auditions are coming to an end, but the role of my secret lover is still free. Obviously, auditions have been limited to Drama Club people only, but as this week is closing up, Miss Albright actually thinks about opening them for the whole school.

I try to get Bram to audition but at the same time, I already know that he’s the last person to star in a high school musical. Also, he’s pretty busy most of the time anyway. Mister Wise asks him to stay behind after _every_ English class, and then soccer practise and helping us Drama dudes with tech stuff.

It’s Friday afternoon during the break between classes and clubs, and Bram and I are sitting outside on the soccer bleachers. He’s already in his tricot and shorts that expose his calves. It takes all of my self-control not to startle his lap right now.

„What are you doing tonight?“, I ask, nibbling on a day old blueberry muffin.

„Michael, David, and Garrett want to go to Atlanta proper to go to a gaming arcade“, he says, „They asked me to come with them.“

„Sounds fun!“

„Yeah, I’ll probably go. Do you want to come as well?“

I think about it a second or two, but because of Drama Club I’m already behind on homework, and school hasn’t even been on for a whole month. „Can’t.“

Bram circles his thumb over the knuckles of my free hand. „I, uhm, I could come over later. If you’d like me to.“

Millions of tiny butterflies are being released into my stomach. „I’d very much like you to.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all I'll update again later tonight since this chapter is so dang short


	15. Bram

„Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tonight?“, Garrett asks over the giant pizza we’re sharing. It’s past dusk right now, and Garrett, David, Michael and I all met in the parking lot of Dominoes. Technically, we could’ve just ordered the pizza and eaten inside, but let’s be real, sitting on the ground in between our parked cars is just ten times cooler and makes us look way edgier.

I nod, almost choking on a piece of pepperoni.

„Dude, this new gaming arcade is so cool, you’re going to regret that“, Michael says.

„Yeah, probably, but I can’t“, I shrug. To be honest, I didn’t really feel like going to Atlanta tonight anyway, so it’s only convenient that I have something else on my plate.

„He’s getting some diiiiiiick“, David says in a sing-song voice, dragging the last word into unnecessary length.

Garrett and Michael neigh out laughing.

Instead of responding I shove another piece of pizza in my mouth. If it only were that I was meeting Simon tonight. I mean, I told him so, but at the same time, I knew it was only so I could think of an excuse to ditch him later. Which really makes me a freaking asshole.

But I can’t help it, I really can’t.

In barely half an hour I have a meeting with two men that could literally change my life.  
Mister Wise, _„For you it’s Arthur when we’re not on school grounds!“_ , will take me to a restaurant, _Le Beau Château_ , and there we will meet Mister Kern and Mister Sevells, who have just recently read my story, and will tell me tonight whether they want theirs associated with mine in an anthology or not.

Just from thinking about it, my stomach wants to immediately reject every bit of pizza.

It’s an important evening, which is why I think I can justify two dinners. One, the pizza, is pure stress-eating with the almost certain possibility of throwing it all up again, the second will be with Mister Kern and Mister Sevells, where I will be way too nervous to actually eat.

„Bram?“ Garrett is waving his hand frantically up and down in front of my face. „Are you still with us?“

With that, I snap out of my thoughts. „Yeah, I’m here.“

„So, are you getting the D?“ David wiggles his eyebrows.

„What?“

He rolls his eyes. „Are you going to perform sexual intercourse with your boyfriend tonight?“

„If you say it like that it sounds so fucking weird“, Michael says.

„Yeah, we’re not talking about that.“ I shut the pizza carton.

Garrett opens it back up for the last slice. „Why not? I always tell you about my nights with Morgan.“

„Yes and I wish you’d stop that.“

„Gee, you act like a virgin.“ David blows one strand of his hair out of his face. He had this _great_ idea of growing his hair out but is _too much of a man_ to wear a headband to keep it out of his face. (Sometimes, I really don’t know why we are friends.)

„And what would be so bad about that?“, I ask.

The three of them simultaneously snap their heads towards me. This could’ve been a funny move, if it wasn’t for such an annoying reason.

„Wait“, Michael says.

David continues, „Simon and you have been dating for the past six months, and you didn’t do the diggity-do yet?“

„Why the fuck am I friends with you?“, I ask, lifting my face to the grey sky above us while holding back a laughter at the word diggity-do at the same time.

„Hm, you do swear a lot more since you started dating him, though“, Michael observes.

„Are you serious, though?“, Garrett asks, „I thought, I mean, everyone _sees_ you and Simon are all over each other.“

I shrug. „Yeah. We just haven’t done it yet.“

„Do you want to?“

I let my head fall back into my neck, letting a long sigh out. A family of four leave the restaurant and get in their car that’s parked next to David’s.

„Of course I do.“

It says a lot that neither of them scrunches their nose at me. Before I came out, Michael and David haven’t been the most tolerant people to be exact. But since Garrett is kind of the leader of our group, they tend to imitate his behavior — and he’s obviously still my best friend.

„Well, then go get ‘em, I guess!“, Michael says.

I can’t even express how annoyed this topic gets me. It is as if there are no other problems going on in this world — in _my_ world, as selfish as it sounds. Of course, _of fucking course_ , I want to be with Simon, as close to him as possible, with everything that that means, but I also want it to be good. And it wouldn’t be anywhere near that if I was half a mind away, pondering over my future.

There’s just a lot going on in my life and my mind right now, half of which I can’t tell anyone about because it’s not set in stone yet. Because, if we’re being real, if I was to get published with the two UGA professors under this massive publishing house, it’d become so much easier for me to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. I wouldn’t need to worry about getting into terms with a publishing house — Quite the reverse, I’d already been under contract with them once before!

„Bram, I swear to God, if you’re zoning out one more time I’ll tell Abby to draw a monobrow on your photo in the yearbook.“ Garrett snaps the fingers of his left hand next to my ear.

„Don’t you dare!“, I hiss.

„Do you want tips on how to work“ Michael wiggles his eyebrows. „the magic wand?“

„I cannot believe _anyone_ would have sex with you“, I cry out.

Garrett is flat on his back now, laughing like a maniac.

 

***

 

If a job interview feels only half as intimidating as this, I’d much rather take on ten of those.  
I’m a tick late, so Mister Kern and Mister Sevells are already seated inside Le Beau Château when Arthur and I arrive. Although this is a fancy restaurant, I went for a more casual look of a simple white v-neck to black jeans. To my relief, none of the other gentlemen are in formal clothes either. They’re dressed up, sure, but no actual tuxedos.

After the obligatory introduction, the handshaking, and the drink ordering, Arthur leans back in his chair next to me. It seems as if he thinks of himself as the matchmaker here, the puppeteer who let his most different puppets meet.

I swallow the dryness in my mouth, or at least I try to.

Kern and Sevells share a look, then Kern crosses his hands over his belly and Sevells raises his eyebrows at me.

It is as if I’d gone deaf to everything but my own thoughts. I can’t even hear Arthur speaking up next to me. My heart is almost beating out of my chest, jumping onto the empty plate in front of me. The blood is thumping against my eardrum — _thump thump thumpthump thump_

„Oh, I thought it was great!“, Mister Kern’s voice comes through to me.

Only now do I realize I’d been gripping into the tablecloth with both my hands.

„Sorry?“ My head snaps up.

„The story“, he says.

Our drinks are placed in front of us, and I awkwardly have to shimmy around the waitress to keep on hearing him talk.

„I’ve only read it once, though, and it definitely needs some editing, but it’s good.“

Mister Sevells nods along. „I like the general premise a lot actually. There’s not much that needs to change about your writing, Abraham, just the plot needs some more work.“

„I’d say make it ten thousand words longer and we’re on“, Mister Kern says.

I grab into the tablecloth once more, but this time to hold on to something, as if I might lose it. I might _actually_ lose it.

The waitress shifts her weight from one foot to another, hovering her pen over a small notebook in order to write our orders down. She’s a pretty, young girl that reminds me a lot of Abby actually, with the heart-shaped face and the curls.

„May I take your order?“, she throws politely into our conversation.

„Of course!“ Mister Sevells orders first, his colleague second, then Arthur. I just mouth a random number up to her, hands still wrinkling the cloth. I hope it’s nothing with too much cheese. Cheese en masse makes me nauseated when it’s not on pizza.

As she leaves, though, I catch Mister Kern’s look following her. When he realizes I’m watching him, he leans back against the backhand of his chair. „Fine, Abraham, do you want to talk about the story a bit?“

„Sure“, I choke out.

 

***

 

I’m not going to lie, I could have done better. I could have done much, much better, more professional, more outgoing.   
But I also could have done much worse.

At the end of it all, my moussaka is untouched but my email address is inside of Mister Kern’s notebook, and Arthur’s hand is proudly patting my shoulder.

I did it.

We talked for hours not only about my story but also theirs. We agreed that mine is going to be the last one, in the back of the book, which is completely fine by me.  
About the editing, Mister Kern and Mister Sevells actually do have a lot of say in what makes it into the actual book and what doesn’t, and so they told me they’d be emailing me my manuscript back with comments on the parts that need to be _modified_.

I’m willing to modify everything about this if it gets me closer to my dream.

For the past twenty minutes, I’ve been feeling my phone vibrating against my thigh, which isn’t the most comfortable feeling, but I haven’t been able to excuse myself to the restroom yet.

Obviously, I know what’s going on. It’s a quarter past eleven at night, the restaurant is almost all cleared out, and Simon is probably going nuts because I haven’t texted him back all evening.

„Well then.“ Mister Sevells is getting ready to get up from his chair. „This evening has been a delight. Arthur, Abraham.“ He tilts his head at us.

Mister Kern waves the waitress over, who hands him the bill as soon as she arrives. I reach into my jeans for my wallet,but he waves it off. „That’s on me, don’t worry about it.“

I am about to thank him when I see his hand with a ten dollar bill in it slowly wandering towards the girl’s jeans’s back pockets. He stows the bill into the pocket while smiling directly at her face, resting his hand even a little longer on her butt.

She throws a look at everyone at the table, like a doe in the flashlights of an upcoming bus. Mister Sevells is still occupied with getting his arms into his jacket. Mister Wise is politely trying to blow his nose. And me? I sit there, staring back at her, witnessing exactly what’s happening — and do absolutely nothing.

After a few seconds, she’s stowed away all the money, and Mister Kern’s hand is gone, and so is she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare for some light drama   
> (I promise I won't leave you hanging for too long xD)


	16. Simon

> Bram (Monday @ 11:56 pm): Sorry, babe, I won’t make it

With one long breath of air, I blow five candles out at once.

> Simon (Monday @ 11:57 pm): yeah I figured
> 
> Bram (Monday @ 11:57 pm): Breakfast date tomorrow morning instead of school?

I plop down onto my bed, which I had extra made, and turn of the soft music from the bluetooth speaker on the nightstand. With a semi-formed grin on my face, I lay back against the pillows.

> Simon (Monday @ 11:59 pm): You naughty, naughty boy
> 
> Bram (Monday @ 11:59 pm): Would you like me to be naughty?

I stare at the text for a few seconds longer than needed.

> Simon (Monday @ 12:00 am): Well…What am I gonna do? Say no?
> 
> Bram (Tuesday @ 12:00 am): I’ll pick you up at eight. Goodnight and again, I’m sorry, Si
> 
> Simon (Tuesday @ 12:02 am): Okay ❤️ It’s fine, I hope you had fun with Garrett, David and Michael :)
> 
> Bram (Tuesday @ 12:11 am): I did! Goodnight ❤️
> 
>  

I close my messages and let out a deep yawn. Good thing we’re skipping first period tomorrow, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on statistics anyway. My room smells like the burnt end of a rat’s tail. I’m never buying scented candles ever again, thanks Abby.

Five minutes later, I find myself cuddled up in my thick blanket, laying on the side, scrolling through Instagram. I should get some sleep as soon as possible so I won't be a complete train wreck tomorrow, and yet here I am five hundred pictures deep into James Charles’s profile. _How did I even get there?_

Sighing out loud I tap my way back to the home page. Right as I am about to watch Sarah Hyland’s Instagram Story, a new post pops up. It’s from @ g.laugh.

One the picture there are Garrett and David posing extremely over-dramatically between all the gaming consoles in an arcade. Garrett is holding on to a giant teddy bear which he’d apparently just won, and David’s hair is ridiculously long.

For a moment, I wonder why Michael is missing in the picture as he was supposed to be there as well, then I remember someone had to actually take the picture. Then I remember Bram. He should’ve been there too. I double check. He’s not even tagged in the picture, nothing. Quickly, I scroll back to the top and check Garrett’s Story. There's a lot of flashy lights and music going on, and he’s waving his phone all the way around, but nowhere can I spot Bram.

_Either has he been hiding on the toilet the whole time or he just lied to me._

 

***

 

„Good morning — Mhm, you smell good.“

I close the passenger’s door and allow Bram to press a short kiss onto my lips. „That’s because I almost lit my whole room on fire with the number of scented candles I bought.“

Bram raises one eyebrow, but instead of explaining I just turn my head away from him and watch my neighborhood pass by through the window.

The thought of him lying to me has been gnawing on me for the entirety of last night. He’s never done that before. I mean, why would he? There is literally no point in lying to me. If there is a tolerant and accepting person, it’s me, let’s be real.

Bram’s handing is laying on the gear shift but I saw it twitching a few times out of the corner of my eye, and right as I shift a little in my seat, he lays it upon my thigh.  
Normally, I’d lay mine onto his. Now I don’t.

„Are you alright?“

„Sure“, I say dryly, going back to watching out of the window. I live close to Waffle House, so we’ve already almost reached our destination. „Did you just go to the arcade yesterday or somewhere else after?“

„Just the arcade.“

I purse my lips. Again, I hate leaving things unspoken, and I swear, I’m about to make a scene, just not when he’s in the middle of driving down a busy street.

 

WaHo is actually pretty empty for the most part, regarding that they only opened ten minutes ago. Most of the customers only come in to get a coffee to go, so the waiters seem a little surprised when Bram and I actually head for a booth.

We both order iced coffee, Bram’s with milk. Our hands lay on the table, facing each other.

„I know you haven’t been to the arcade with Garrett, David, and Michael“, I finally speak up once the waitress has left.

Bram’s head snaps up. He seems startled for a second, and that’s really all I need to know that he has indeed not been anywhere near his friends last night.

I nod slowly, feeling my guts clenching a little bit. What if he’s been with another guy? I’d never thought of Bram like this, but then again, he keeps surprising me. Do I even want to know if he’s been cheating on me? What would I do then?

„How do you know?“, Bram asks.

„You weren’t in Garrett’s Instagram Story. I know this sounds like I was stalking, I swear I wasn’t, but—“ I pause. „Just tell me you haven’t been with another guy.“

„What?“ Bram leans back to allow the waitress to place the drinks in front of us. We both watch her leave again. „Simon, are you kidding me? I could never cheat on you.“

„That sounds like something a cheater would say“, I observe.

He shakes his head. „Simon. Si. _Babe_.“ He reaches for my hands. „No. I’ve had…I had a meeting. I can’t tell you more than that just now, I’m afraid.“

I pull my hands out of his grip. „Why not?“

„Because it’s too important—“

„Too important to talk about with your boyfriend?“, I snap.

Bram lets out an inaudible sigh, letting his shoulders hang a few inches. „No, you can’t put it like that.“

„Oh, I can.“

„Trust me, I’ll tell you everything once it is set. I wish I could tell you everything now, and I’m not gonna lie, I probably could, but I’m afraid that all of this won’t work out in the end. Si, just give me a few days and I’ll tell you“, he says, a pleading look in his dark brown eyes.

How could I ever deny those eyes? How could I ever stay mad at him? I melt as soon as he tilts his head a little to the side, or shifts his weight from one foot to another.

„Has it to do something with—“

„No other guys“, he interrupts me, „Trust me. It has to do with…with college.“

„New York?“ Immediately, a million thoughts come rushing through my head. I hate to be that person, but I always get worked up over everything. The slightest things get me all the way excited. What if he’s been talking to someone from New York? _Oh my God_ , what if he’s been looking for an apartment there for the both of us.

„Kind of“, he says, his voice shaking vaguely, „But hey, no, I know that face! I didn’t buy a loft apartment in Central Manhattan, calm down.“

I grab his hands over the table. „Do you sometimes think about it, though? Us in New York?“

„Of course I do.“

„Imagine if we had an apartment together. Like, I would decorate it for sure. And you can cook homemade meals and then, in the evenings, we can snuggle up together and—“

He laughs. „That sounds like our life right now.“

„Yes, but in New York! Hello!“

Bram lifts the bundle of our hands up and presses a kiss to the back of mine. „I love you.“

It feels like my stomach drops a few feet.

„Oh, sorry, I—“ Bram bites down on his bottom lip. „Scratch that, I didn’t want to say it here for the first time.“

„I’m not scratching that“, I say, nervous laughter following my voice. „I love you too.“

Bram lays his forehead onto our knotted hands.

 

***

 

September rushes by so fast, it’s hard to actually mark down all the things that are happening. First, the guy who plays my love interest in the musical is found. We had the idea of Cal playing him, but Cal cannot sing or move his body in a non-awkward way for the life of him, so instead Miss Albright convinced Henry, a junior, to play the role.

He’s actually quite cute, but stick-straight as far as I can tell, and a good singer.

Then, the first assignments and essays are due and school really starts beating our asses. I don’t see Bram for a week straight except for English class, and even then we’re both too busy to talk to each other. Whenever I look at him, I catch him chewing on his bottom lip, buried deep in his thoughts. So deep, he doesn’t even notice that Leah is throwing little paper balls at him for almost all of the period.

Nick and Abby have a huge fight over one of Nick’s gigs because it falls on the day of Abby’s great-grandmother’s birthday for which they were actually planning to go back to DC for the entire weekend. („Why are you making such drama out of that? It’s just a regular ass birthday!“ — „Nick, she is 102, nothing for her is, quote-unquote, _regular ass_!“)

I run into Cal on almost a daily basis now. He’s become a permanent guest at our home, hanging out with Nora every single day after school. When I don’t catch them playing Wii in the living room, they’re usually outside, sitting next to each other in the hammock. It’s weird, to say the least.

 

It’s almost the end of October now and for the first time in weeks, Bram and I are both free on the same night. Okay, I may have had a date with Leah tonight to go to the movies, but that just has to wait.

Mom, dad, and Nora are gone for the weekend, visiting dad’s sister Kelly in Montgomery, Alabama.

Bram and I play Mario Kart against each other, he’s winning much to my despise. His character, Yoshi, slides through the finish line in his egg-kart, cheering and clapping joyfully as he just made first place.

Bram lets the wheel with the remote in it fall into his lap and stretches his hands in the air in a winner’s pose. „Whoo!“

I let my head fall back against my neck and give up, literal two meters in front of the finish line, and let the other characters race past mine.

„Aw.“ Bram makes as I finally drive over the line, ending the race at a snail’s pace. „You know whoever makes it last has to take their shirt of.“

„What?“ I laugh a little. „Isn’t that what winners normally do?“

„Not in this game, baby.“ He leans back into the cushions.

„Alright“, I say, pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it at him, „We’re never trying to mix margaritas ourselves ever again.“

„I don’t even think those we’re actual margaritas, more so just pure tequila. You’re a bad bartender.“

I suck in a breath of air with a dramatic voice. „Don’t you dare say that!“

„Come here.“

I slowly get up from my seat nuzzled into the pillows and go over to him. Without warning, he reaches for my hands as I stand before him and pulls me onto his lap.

„You’re in such a good mood“, I observe as he kisses my cheek, „Why’s that?“

„You know how I still need to tell you something?“

„Uhm, yeah?“

„Well. First of all, thanks for being so patient with me. I love you.“ He plants another kiss where my jaw meets my neck. I shiver a little. „Second, what would you say if I told you I might be a published author soon?“

„What?“ I push him back by the shoulders into the cushions.

He grins, „Trust me, I wanted to tell you as soon as I got the opportunity. I just didn’t want to jinx anything.“

„Wow. Bram. Wow“, I say, „I’m so proud of you. Wow.“

„Yeah, I mean, it’s all still in the editing process.“

„Can I read it?“, I ask.

„What?“

„Your story?“ I raise my eyebrows at him.

„Oh. Sure. Once it’s all done and through editing. Once it’s perfect.“ He leans his forehead against mine. I can still smell a little trace of tequila in his breath. „I just sent it to Mister Kent this morning. I had to make it a little longer. He and a few editors are going to read over it and send it back to me with some final editing suggestions.“

I kiss him on the lips. I can’t help it, it’s been too long and I just feel too much at this moment. I mean, how can one human being be so incredibly smart, determined, creative and just…perfect?

I let my hands brush over the slight stubble on his cheeks while we kiss. Only when we both fall back into the backrest of the couch do I realize I’ve been pressing my body against him almost desperately.   
I’m surprised he lets me do that. Maybe now that this insane pressure he had been keeping to himself of writing a story and getting it published loosens up a little, so does he.

Bram’s hands are on the small of my back, slowly wandering down to my hips.

I’m sure he has a lot more to tell me about all of that. Like, what his story is about, for example. Or how the hell he managed to actually get a publishing deal. I don’t know much about writing but what I do know is, that getting your art out there is not easy.

„Hey, uhm.“ Bram breaks our embrace for a moment to look me in the eyes. „Do you want to take this up to your room?“

„Yes.“I bite my lip, grinning. „Yes, I’d freaking love that.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, we love a healthy communicative and trusting relationship


	17. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all expected smut dont ya

Hello, it’s me, just popping in to tell you that blowjobs are freaking amazing. Giving _and_ receiving them. TMI? Okay, I’m sorry.

Seriously though, it’s Saturday morning and I’m curled up next to Bram on my bed, and it’s the best feeling in the entire world. We’re both in our underwear, that’s all we’d been able to put back on yesterday, and I _might_ be a little grateful for the sight of my boyfriend’s abs in the early morning.

I can tell he’s exhausted, not just from yesterday, but from all that’s going on at school and in his life at the moment. His breathing is deep and even, and he’s not bothered at all by the sun shining right into his face.

With a little tug on my heartstrings, I finally get up, close the curtains so he can get a little more rest, and put a shirt on before I go downstairs.

Bieber is passed out on the couch, legs spread wide and his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

„Hey, bud“, I say, tracing a hand over the soft fur on his stomach, „It’s time for brekkie.“

„Simon.“

I swear to all the gods and Jesus, and it takes a lot to swear up to something you don’t even believe in, my heart stops for a second. The voice is coming from the other end of the couch, and when I narrow my eyes to small slits, I can spot Leah sitting there.

„Leah?“

„Yeah.“

I rub my eyes. „Sorry, I didn’t see you. I forgot my glasses upstairs.“ I stop mid-motion. „Wait, how did you get in here?“

„You didn’t lock the door, you moron.“

„Lovely as always“, I say.

„You know what?“ I can make out some movement in her posture. „Fuck you, Simon!“

„What?“

„I thought you died or something!“ She throws a pillow at me that I don’t catch in time, so it lands flat against my face. „Ditching our movie night? Okay. But you could’ve at least sent me a text so I wouldn’t wait for you for two fucking hours!“

 _Oh_. My guts clench a bit from a rush of guilt.

„Leah, I’m so sorry.“

„Yeah, stick your sorrow up your ass“, she says. „You know, maybe I should just stop expecting anything from my friends.“ She brushes her hair out of her face. „I mean when Garrett ditched me two weeks ago it was okay, whatever, he’s an asswipe anyway, but you?“

„Wait, wasn’t Garrett completely been and gone for the cheese popcorn?“

„Who the fuck cares, Simon? Just shut up, okay?“, she snaps.

„Leah, listen—“

She shakes her head. „No, you listen. I don’t care if you think I’m overreacting or whatever, but I’m just going to make it really easy for you, because apparently that’s what men need. So, here goes: You don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to make up for it. We’re just not going to do that again. You can just do whatever you do on Friday nights and you don’t have to worry about me anymore.“

I narrow my eyes again, this time not to see her better but to think. I can’t help but guess there’s more to this situation than just me forgetting our date. No doubt Leah’s making a freaking mountain out of a molehill here, but still, usually, she’s not _that_ that dramatic.

„Hey, is there anything you want to tell me?“, I ask, trying to make my voice sound as soft as possible right after getting up.

„Yes, you’re an asshole.“

„Lee—“

„I’m leaving.“ She gets up. As a blurry spot in my vision I see her moving towards the door. „Don’t even try to stop me. I’m gone.“ With that, she slams the door shut behind her.

 

***

 

By now, we have theatre even on Saturdays. It starts in the afternoon so we can sleep in in the mornings, and we get pizza every time after practice. Bram is always there, too, of course, but he’s not the biggest help if I do say so myself.

Same goes for me, at least today. We’re practically glued together, and whenever we’re not holding hands, we’re holding eye contact instead.

„You guys are so, so disgusting“, Abby gags.

Nick sits next to Bram, arms crossed in front of his chest, while Bennett and Garrett figure out some tech stuff.

„Please tell me you made up with Nick“, I plea.

„Of course! We argued so much it turned into hot sex which turned into us loving each other more than ever.“

„Really?“

„No.“ She rolls her eyes. „Of course not, Simon. That’s not how it works.“

I sigh out loud, take my eyes off Bram for a second to check my phone, only to put it back into my pocket, resigned. Leah hasn’t texted me back ever since she stormed out of my house.

„I wish he would just… I don’t know, go back to normal, you know“, Abby says, „Again, yes, he _can_ sing. But so can you, and you’re not twenty miles up your own ass.“

„Well, thank you“, I say, „But to be honest? I don’t think he’s that bad.“

With a sigh, she blows a curl out of her face. „I don’t even know anymore. I’m confused.“

„About what?“

Her eyes drift towards me, looking me straight in the face. All of a sudden, she has an uncommon serious expression in her features. The lips, normally resting in a faint smile, are a straight, thin line.

„Alright, guys!“, Miss Albright yells, „Please get back into position! Simon, I want you and Henry in the center of the stage!“

We’re still only practicing the dialogue parts, leaving out every bit of singing. Don’t get me wrong, Henry is a nice guy, probs to him being completely comfortable with playing a gay kid in front of a complete high school, but I’m just not with it today.

I can’t act out the scene where I meet him in person for the first time without having my mind at Bram, who’s sitting in the third row, watching it all. It’s not like he has a problem with this. He knows all of this, Henry and me, is just theatre, but he still doesn’t look comfortable.

I for sure wouldn’t, either.

 

***

 

There’s this really weird thing with time. The same amount of it can feel like an eternity in one moment and like a fraction of a second in another. Unfortunately, today three hours turn into an eternity. Not even the pizza can lift up my mood, which means this is serious.

Leah has never been this mad at me. Sure, we argued before, we shouted at each other before, but we never could go for more than a few hours without the other.

This feels weird. It feels like there is so much more to it than just me behaving like a hormonal asshole, because, let’s face it, that’s the truth. Sure enough, Bram is the most important person in my life, but because he is, I can’t let him take up all of me. I’m not blaming him, though, he would have been completely fine with me spending an evening with Leah.

„You okay, Spier?“ Garrett asks across the table at Pizza Hut.

„Sure.“ I stare down at my pan pizza. More than half of it is still left and it’s not even hot anymore. Bram’s foot nudges against mine, but I don’t feel like nudging back. I check my phone once again. „Hey, uh, Garrett?“

„Hm?“ He’s slurping an ice cream milkshake. Pizza Hut has this special offer at the moment, where they have a separate buy-one-get-one-for-free menu with a lot of goodies, like ice cream milkshakes, cinnamon pretzels, and pancakes, and now our table is loaded with all kinds of different treats.

„Why didn’t you go to the movies with Leah?“

„What?“ He looks up from his milkshake as soon as I say the name of my best friend.

„Two weeks ago. Leah and you wanted to go to the movies. Cheese popcorn?“

„Oh, right“, he says, „Well, I don’t know, man. I guess I was meeting Bennett to figure out some more electricity stuff for the musical.“

„Okay“, I say.

„Why are you asking?“, Garrett pushes the empty glass away from him, „Did Leah say anything? She didn’t seem mad when I texted her that night. Well, not more mad than usual, you know.“

I force a grin onto my face. „Uh, no, she didn’t say anything. I just thought I’d ask.“

„What’s going on with the both of you anyway?“ Abby points her spoon at him across the table, chocolate sauce dripping from it. „I thought you were with Morgan.“

„I am.“ Garrett laughs nervously. „But I can be friends with her, right?“

„Yeah, sure it’s that what you want.“ Abby rolls her eyes.

I narrow mine at her. She looks weirdly protective over the whole thing. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know if I’d ship Leah and Garrett if they were a thing, but I guess it’s not on us to have an opinion on that.

Garrett pretzels his arms in front of his chest. „What do you mean?“

„I mean“ Abby leans forward onto her elbows. „You better not play with her feelings.“

„Well, I don’t think she has any for me anyway“, Garrett says and I feel a little bit of sorrow coming up inside of me when I notice the bitter expression in his eyes.

 

***

 

„Okay, how long has that been a thing?“, I ask. Bram and I are walking home together. His car is still parked at my house and I live kind of close to Pizza Hut. Well, it’s half an hour of walking, but still.

„What?“ Bram presses our palms together, swinging our inlaced hands back and forth between us.

„Garrett being in love with Leah.“

„I don’t think he’s _in love_ with her“, Bram says, „He likes her.“

„So you know about that“, I say.

„Well, yeah, kind of. We don’t really talk about that stuff too much“, Bram shrugs, „He’s with Morgan after all.“

„But he has liked Leah before.“

„Yes.“

I free my hand from his and turn my body towards him, walking kind of sideways. „For how long?“

Bram huffs, „I don’t know, Si. Like, maybe since last Halloween? A little before that.“

„That’s a year“, I observe.

„Well, yes.“

„Why didn’t he make a move on her?“, I ask.

„I think he has“, Bram says, „Or at least he tried. I don’t know. You have to admit, Leah is kind of tough nut to crack.“

I think about that for a second. It’s true, though, it’s always been like that. I remember this one guy, Adrian, liking Leah in middle school, and she refused to even talk to him unless he brought her one of those little Madeleine cakes.  
She also never talks about having crushes. We have been friends since we were thirteen and never have I heard her saying that she fancied someone. I mean, I knew she liked Nick last year, but she seems to be over it. I guess I have never talked about crushes to her either. Would have been a bit weird if I told her about my fantasies about Daniel Radcliffe while seemingly being straight.

„Hey“, Bram says, „Don’t think about it too much. Garrett will get over it. Or he already is. I mean, he has Morgan and he really likes her as well. It’s fine.“

I sigh out loud. „Yeah, probably.“

We cross the street at an intersection. I can already see my house at the end of the street. I get my phone out of my pocket and text Leah for the fifth time tonight. I have a feeling she’s either ignoring me or she has blocked my number.

 

***

 

Bram doesn’t stay overnight. He says he still has a little bit of work to do, and I don’t blame him, I need some time to shower and get my mind sorted out as well.

Life is just weird. For you, everything can be fine while the world is ending for someone else.

What if the world is ending for Leah right now? I wouldn’t know, I’d been too much of a shitty friend lately. But I can’t think about it too much. Not tonight. My body feels heavy against the mattress. Life is a lot at the moment. For everyone.


	18. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go me for semi-frequent updates :))))

I wake up to my phone buzzing on the nightstand. It’s shaking so much the pack of Kleenex almost falls to the ground. I rummage out of my fort of blankets and pillows and grab it, only to disappear under the duvet once again.

 

 

> Groupchat: Lunch Crew at 9:11 am
> 
> Garrett: GUYS
> 
> Nick: ew why are you awake
> 
> Nick: ew why am I awake
> 
> Garrett: GUYS
> 
> Bram: okay, calm down, we’re here
> 
> Garrett: GUYS
> 
> Abby: I swear to god, Garrett
> 
> Garrett: My parents leave for Mexico next week!!
> 
> Abby: Congratulations
> 
> Garrett: They’ll be gone until November 2nd
> 
> Nick: Oh
> 
> Bram: Oh
> 
> Abby: wat
> 
> Nick: **_OH_**
> 
> Garrett: THAT MEANS HALLOWEEN PARTY AT MY HOUSE
> 
> Abby: Oh
> 
> Bram: You realize Halloween isn’t for another week, right?
> 
> Garrett: Great parties require great organization, my guy

 

I grin at my phone, remembering Garrett’s last Halloween party. I remember feeling oddly comfortable and at peace among my friends, sitting on the floor, listening to Nick slowly stroke his guitar.

But something tells me it isn’t going to be like that this year.

 

 

> Garrett: Laura, you in??
> 
> Garrett: I see you reading the messages, Leticia
> 
> Leah: *rolling eyes emoji*
> 
> Garrett: So that’s a Yes!!
> 
> Leah: I’ll think about it

 

I quickly switch to my private conversation with Leah.

 

 

> Simon: Leah, please
> 
> Leah: Read 9:16 am
> 
> Simon: Did you really just text me that
> 
> Leah: Fuck you, Simon
> 
> Simon: Come on, I’m sorry
> 
> Simon: Really really really sorry
> 
> Simon: Is it okay with you if I come over?
> 
> Leah: Read 9:18 am

 

With that, I get up, not even bothering to make my bed. I slip into some jeans and a dark hoodie from Bram, put some shoes on, and only remember to grab my glasses when I realize I’d put them on the wrong way.  
You’d think I’d notice I don’t have my glasses on since that is basically like looking through a very thick layer of mist, but no.

 

***

 

I haven’t been to Leah’s house in literal years. I think the last time I was here I couldn’t even drive by myself. It’s also not exactly a house. It’s an apartment in the basement of an apartment complex. Most of Leah’s rooms don’t even have windows, and when they do, they’re squeezed at the very top of the wall, right beneath the ceiling and are very narrow.

I press my index finger down on the bell. Nothing happens. Must be broken.

> Simon: Hey, Lee, I’m outside

I don’t get an answer. Instead, I hear feet clacking against the tiles behind the door, shuffling, and then the door opens. Leah’s standing there in the empty, kind of dark hallway, alone, still in her pajamas. I admire the Panic! At The Disco shirt for a moment.

„I’m sorry. I love you.“

Her face goes all soft as soon as the words are out. That’s a side no one ever sees of Leah — the vulnerable one. I guess it’s the Slytherin in her that always wants to come across as strong and kind of invincible. But she’s not. She’s really not.

I hug her. And Leah can be weird about hugs, but today she’s fine with it, and she actually nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck.

„Are we cool?“, I ask, damped against her mane.

„I mean“ She lets go of me. „You’re definitely still a twat but yeah, we’re cool.“

„I can live with that“, I grin, „Hey, do you have food? I’m starving.“

 

Leah’s mom is the absolute coolest person on earth. I’m not even kidding. Actually, she reminds me a little bit of Bram’s mother. She’s also very young and very beautiful. Except she’s white and far more chaotic. But she makes the best French Toast.

They don’t have a table that we can sit on since the kitchen is too small, so we go to Leah’s room, which is not much bigger. Or maybe it just seems small from the number of drawings on the walls. We sit down on the rug on the floor and eat the toast with our hands.

„So, Garrett likes you“, I say.

She almost chokes on a bite of deliciousness. „What?“

„Garrett“, I repeat, „Bram told me. He likes you.“

„Well“, she says, „Good for him, I guess.“

„Seriously?“ I finish my toast. „That’s all you have to say about that? I thought you liked him too.“

She lets out a snort. „What made you think _that_?“

„The way you talk to him. Like, you always mock each other, but in a friendly way. It’s cute.“

„Simon, that’s literally how I talk to you as well“, she says.

„Uh, I don’t know—“

„And do you think I fancy you?“, she asks.

„Well, you better not, because I’m afraid to break it to you but I am very much gay.“

She grins. „Girl, I know that. But what I’m trying to say is that I like Garrett — ew, I actually said that — but not in, like, a lovy-dovy way.“

„Oh, I thought—“

„Yeah, maybe you should stop thinking.“ She says that with the grin still on her face, but there it is again. This almost secret expression, kind of underlying her features from time to time, almost impossible to see.

„Hey, uh“ I clear my throat. „Is there something you wanna talk about?“

She tilts her head to the side. „Simon, I swear I’m not in love with you.“

I roll my eyes at her.

She goes quiet for a second and her smile fades, making the deep dimples in her soft cheeks disappear. „Actually“, she says, „Maybe—“

The door swings open without a warning knock beforehand. Leah’s mom leans in the doorframe. „Guys, did you know there’s an ABBA party at Wilson Park tonight?“

Leah’s smile comes back so abruptly it almost seems like a glitch. „No way! What time?“

 

***

 

I don’t know how I was even able to survive without ABBA in my life. Now, for sure, it’s all I want to listen to for the rest of my life. There are stands that sell slushies and popcorn at Wilson Park and everyone is content and happy and somehow a little bit floaty. Like they’re all walking on clouds. Maybe that’s a side-effect of ABBA. It’s great.

Leah drives me home later, and although I’m scared her car might break on the way because it’s so old, we make it. I hug her goodbye, and now she’s back to being weird about it, which honestly just tells me we’re best friends again.

The lights in the living room are turned on, and my family’s car is parked on the porch. Everything seems to be back to normal.

Indeed it is, I realize as I walk through the door and almost slam front-first into Cal Price. It seems like he’s about to leave. Nora stands right next to him, a full head shorter.

„Oh“, I make, „Hi.“

Cal clears his throat into the awkward silence between the three of us.

„I was just about to—“ He gestures at the door behind me.

„Oh, I didn’t want to interrupt anything“, I say. Nora shoots me a death-glare.

„No, I swear, I was about to go anyway.“ He grins kind of sheepishly and steps around me. „I’ll see you at school then.“

„Sure. See you“, I say, not even bothered to turn around. I have to talk to my sister. _Now_.

 

Now turns into very much later, because Nora is way too busy hiding behind mom and dad as the three of them prepare dinner. They tell me about everything that happened in Montgomery — which is pretty much nothing.

I manage to squeeze a homemade burrito down my throat even though I’m still pretty much filled with popcorn. Dad does the dishes afterwards and mom disappears into her office, so I’m left alone with Nora at the table.

„You and Cal?“, I blurt.

„What?“ She looks up from her phone.

„Oh my god, are you dating him?“, I ask.

„Ew, Simon, stop!“ She puts her phone on the table, locking it before I can make out whom she’d been texting. I know it’s Cal anyway. „What’s your problem anyway?“

„He’s three years older than you!“

„Two and a half but good guess“, she deadpans. „Also, we’re _not_ dating.“ She probably doesn’t mean to but her voice makes this sort of hang like she’s about to add ‚ _yet_ ’.

„But you want to.“

„Simon“, she groans, „Honestly, do we have to talk about this?“

„Honestly?“, I ask, „I’m your older brother and Cal is in most of my classes, therefore yes. Yes we do.“

She sighs. „Look. He’s a nice boy. And cute, I guess. But I don’t know. I don’t know whether I want to actually date him. I don’t know whether I want to date anyone, like ever.“

I furrow my brows. „What do you mean?“

She shrugs, „I don’t know.“ And then she laughs, like a giggle only a little stronger, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I recognize it right away. Because it's the same thing I do in situations like this. And Alice does it as well. And dad. It’s a thing us Spiers do — we laugh problems off.

„He kissed me“, she says out of nowhere, not even bothered by the fact that dad could hear it. Nora’s such a badass.

„Oh.“

„Yeah, _oh_ “, she mimics, „Exactly what I thought.“

„But“, I say, „I honestly thought you guys were becoming a thing.“

„Well, apparently he thought so too“, Nora says, „But… I don’t know. I guess I really like him, but just not like that. I don’t think I have a crush on him.“

„You don’t _think_?“

„I mean, I don’t know“, she says, „What does a crush even feel like, really?“

I lean back in my chair. „Hm, like, do you fancy him?“

„Si, that’s literally just another word for crush.“

„I mean, do you think about him, like, constantly?“, I ask.

„Yeah, I guess so“, she says.

„And you like him?“

„Well, yes, otherwise I wouldn’t spend that much time with him“, she shrugs.

„Then I think you have a crush on him“, I say, „And you kissed. Congratulations?“ This feels weird. I’m not sure I want this.

„I don’t think it’s that easy…“ Nora’s voice trails off just as dad enters the dining room.

 

 


	19. Bram

It's done. I’m about to be published. My dream is coming true. Granted it’s a little sooner than I’d expected, but that’s great. Everything is great. I sent the final draft to Mister Kent yesterday morning, and ever since then, I have this tingly feeling in my gut. It’s almost like I forgot something.

I guess it’s just happiness.

Now it’s Saturday and I’m stuffing Garrett’s fridge with bottles of Corona. Plastic spiders are dangling from the ceiling right before my eyes. Garrett’s really outdone himself on the decoration this year. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t him, it was Morgan. I did not know my stepsister was into crafts, but apparently, she’s a freaking Pinterest queen. Makes me question what this girl _can’t_ do.

It’s almost nine, and the living room is already packed with people. I don’t know half of them. Morgan stands behind the dining table, which is now our improvised bar and mixes cocktails into colorful mason jars. And she has a lot of fun doing so. It’s not like we told her to do that. I’m sure everyone would have been fine with the generic red cups.

I don’t know how it’s possible, but I hear the doorbell ring over the loud music. Probably because I’ve been awaiting it.

With quick steps, I walk towards the door. Before I open it I glance once more into the mirror on the wall right next to it. I’m wearing all black with a giant chef’s hat that reads ‚Pepper‘ on it. I know, it’s kind of basic, and y’all can probably guess what Simon’s wearing.

But I still get that huge grin on my face when I open the door to an all-white Salt-Simon. He looks adorable in a chef’s hat. You wouldn’t think _anyone_ could look adorable in a chef’s hat. Except Simon does.

Leah’s right next to him. I almost don’t recognize her. She has done something with her hair and now it looks redder than usual. She’s wearing a bottom length high waisted skirt that probably used to be just denim, except now it has teal beads sewn all over it. It’s shimmering in the lights of the street lamps. To that, she’s also wearing a red crop top.

Hereby I’m predicting Garrett is most probably going to lose his shit.

„Hey“, I grin.

„Yeah, hi“, Leah says and steps in immediately, „I’m cold. This was a bad idea.“

„At least you look cute!“, Simon shouts after her, but she’s already disappeared into the living room.

„So do you“, I say, unable to get rid of the smile on my face. My cheeks might fall off.

Simon presses a quick kiss on my lips, but then I feel his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back with more force than I’d expected. To my astonishment, he looks up at me with teary eyes.

„Oh my god, what happened?“, I ask, immediately worried.

He takes a step back, shuffles in his bag for a second and pulls out a stack of papers. „You’re an asshole.“

„What do you mean?“ Well, now the smile’s definitely gone.

But Simon laughs. It looks weird regarding his eyes are still shiny. He shoves the papers against my chest. „How dare you write something so beautiful?!“

_Oh!_

„You printed it out?“

„Of course I printed it out!“ A tear falls onto his cheek. „How could I not print out the exact story of how you and I met. This is beautiful, Bram. I love this. I love you.“

„I love you too.“ I lay the papers down on the little side table under the mirror.

Simon wraps his arms around my neck, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I feel a little floaty. „And the name“, he giggles against my neck. „‚Bram vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda‘. I love it.“

The smile is back.

„Although“ He looks up at me. „Like, are you comfortable with, like, using your own name?“

„I’m not going to publish any of my works under my real name“, I say, „That’s what pseudonyms are for.“

„Oh, alright.“ Another kiss on my cheek. „Anyway, I’m going to frame every page of this. It’s perfect. Seriously, you are so talented. It’s my favorite thing ever, and consider this: I’ve read every single Harry Potter book at least ten times. And your work is still my favorite.“

„Stop“, I laugh.

Then his lips are finally on mine again, and I’m glad we’re alone in the hallway because it doesn’t take long and I have him trapped between me and the wall. I can’t quite shake the feeling, to be honest. I have never been this happy in my entire life. Not even on Christmas mornings. Everything just seems to align perfectly right now.

But it’s still there. This hint. And I know it’s probably just because of who I am as a person, but still. It pokes at the back of my brain. I almost can’t feel it. I wouldn’t notice if I didn’t already know it was there. This slight warning that life isn’t going to stay this perfect forever.

„Please tell me Garrett has a guest room“, Simon murmurs against my lips as we break apart for the fraction of a second.

I grin at him and take his hand, pulling him with me along the dark hallway.

 

***

 

„I hope you had fun!“ Garrett wiggles his eyebrows at me.

It doesn’t really help that Simon’s cheeks go a deep maroon color almost immediately.

Garrett sits next to Leah on the couch, both have cups in their hands. Simon plops down next to him. We’re both not wearing the chef’s hats anymore. I guess we forgot them in the guest room.

„Wait, are you drinking?“ Simon sniffs on Leah’s glass. „You never drink!“

„Well, I guess that means you’re going to drive“, she says, gulping down all of her drink in one go. Badass.

„Oh, I thought we could crash here“, I say to Simon.

He tilts his head to the side and pulls his shoulders up to his ears. „Oh. Sorry, I can’t, Leah’s sleeping over at mine.“

„Right“, Leah says, „We’re going to have an epic sleepover and then I’m going to steal his dog in the morning.“

Simon laughs, „Bieber likes you the best anyway.“

I don’t know. I’m not even disappointed that Simon and I are going to spend the night apart. I’m too happy. Everything is too perfect. And seeing him smiling so brightly with Leah makes my heart flutter even more. I thread our fingers together in my lap.

Except that’s when Leah’s smile fades all of a sudden.

For a moment I get the stupid idea that it’s because of Simon and me holding hands, but then I follow her gaze.

It’s Abby. She’s fashionably late, but regarding her outfit I get why. She’s Wonder Woman. And I don’t mean it in a metaphorical way. She’s literally dressed as Wonder Woman. And she looks hot. Even I can tell.

„Oh my god“, Simon breathes.

Abby looks around the room, and when she sees us a smile spreads on her face. „Hi!“

We greet her with silence.

The edges of her mouth tilt a little downwards. „Why are you not squealing back at me?“

„You look so ho—great“, Garrett says, catching himself at just the right time.

„Oh.“ Abby turns around herself once. „Thanks. You have no idea how long the makeup took!“

„Oh, I have an idea“, Simon nods.

„But look at you!“, Abby says, looking at Leah, „Oh my god. You’re Arielle!“

„Yeah“, Leah says.

„That’s so cute!“, Abby squeals.

„Yeah", Leah says.

„I feel low-key straight“, Simon whispers.

„Don’t worry“, I say, „I feel the same way.“

Then we both laugh. Obviously, that’s a joke.

„I’m sorry, Simon, Bram“ Abby looks down at us. „Your ‚cute‘ couple costume? Boring AF. Even Garrett did a better job and he’s Dracula for the second year in a row.“

„Well, I’ve got the best puns and pick-up-lines with this costume, okay?!“, Garrett says, raising his hands in front of his chest.

„Why the fuck do you need pick-up-lines, you have a girlfriend“, Leah says.

„Because they’re fun!“

„Why do I like you?“, she asks, shaking her head.

Abby’s smile twitches for a second, but then she catches herself. „Nick is also coming. But there are so many cars outside, he had to park in the next street.“

 

So, Nick is Iron Man, and somehow he and Abby are really proud of it. Which is funny because a) they clearly don’t have a clue about superheroes, b) THEY DON’T EVEN EXIST IN THE SAME UNIVERSE?!!, and c) was it really that hard to think of Superman?

„That’s too basic!“, Nick says, „Also, couple costumes suck.“

Simon and I share a look with each other.

„No offense“, Nick adds quickly, „But we just wanted to have something that matches but that isn’t, like, too obvious.“

„So you decided to go as characters from different universes.“

„Oh god, Bram, don’t be so smug about it.“ Nick rolls his eyes. „No one cares about CD and Marvel. It’s all superheroes.“

„CD“, I repeat, „You’re such a fake.“

„Well“, Abby says, „Just letting you know, I know that it’s DC. But you know, maybe we actually _are_ from different universes.“

Nick glances at her with a capital-E Expression in his eyes. But she doesn’t elaborate any further. And no one seems to care about it anyway.


	20. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments mean the absolute world to me, thank you <3

It’s almost one in the morning when Leah and I leave the party, me behind the steering wheel of her car. I actually felt okay with being the only sober one among my friends. Even Bram got quite cuddly toward the end. Not that I’m complaining.

I could have probably taken him to my house as well. Except we don’t have a spare bedroom for Leah, and, I’m saying that with all the love, I do not want her in the room when I have a very cuddly Bram with me. It might not be safe. It might not be PG-13 rated. It would _definitely_ not be PG-13 rated.

Where our relationship is right now — speaking of the physical part of it, obviously — feels great. Not that I’m surprised about that.And not that I don’t want more, I definitely do. And I know Bram feels the same way, otherwise, whatever that quick one in Garrett’s guest room was wouldn’t have happened.

But it did happen. And I still feel a little jittery about it. I can’t even imagine how I’ll feel once we’ve had actual sex.

 

My parents still do the thing where they stay up until I get home after I went out to a party. I can’t decide whether it’s sweet or annoying.

„We’re back“, I announce as soon as Leah and I step through the door.

„Heeeey!“ Leah’s voice slurs a bit.

„How was the party?“, mom asks from her usual spot on the couch.

„Good“, I say, and I still have that grin on my face.

She raises her eyebrows for a second, but then my dad does this weird and extremely loud snore. His head is wedged into the crook of the couch and Bieber lays in his lap, also snoring.

„Uhm, we’re off to bed“, I say.

„Okay“, mom says, „I pumped up the air mattress.“

„Thanks, Emily“, Leah says hazily.

I take her hand and drag her upstairs. In my room, we both roll our eyes, step over the air mattress on the floor and collapse onto my bed. For a moment, we stay completely still. But then Leah has to pee and I want to change into my pajamas.

 

Ten minutes later we’re tucked up in bed with the lights off. Our hands are laying on top of the duvet, next to each other. Hers nudges mine a little.

„That was fun.“ Her voice is almost a whisper.

„I saw that“, I giggle, „You danced!“

She lets a breath of air out that almost sounds like a laughter, too. „Don’t remind me.“

„I think you looked happy“, I say.

„Do I not look happy normally?“, she asks.

„Uh“, I make, „I mean, you do, I guess.“

She’s silent for a moment. „I know what you mean. But. I just feel weird sometimes. Do you ever feel weird, Si?“

„I think everyone feels weird, eventually. It’s kind of inevitable growing up.“

„How wise“, she snorts.

„But yeah, I do feel weird“, I say.

„Me too.“ Leah sighs. „It’s just, like, sometimes, I don’t even know who I am.“

„What do you mean?“ I roll onto my side, facing her.

She turns her face toward me. „I don’t know. I mean, I’m Leah, sure, what’s new. But there’s this ongoing conflict inside of me of who I actually am and who I want to be. And sometimes the two things mix up and I just end up being confused as fuck.“

„Hm, I guess that’s just who you are then.“

„Confused?“

„No“, I say, „I feel like being who you are is always a mix between your true selfish self and who you strive to be.“

There’s a long pause. The only sound is our synchronized breathing. I think she fell asleep.

„I strive to be honest“, she says then.

„Well, honestly?“, I say, „I don’t think I know anyone who’s as honest and blunt as you. Okay, maybe Nora. You’re both badasses.“

I see the edges of her mouth tuck up. „Have I ever told you I had a crush on you in ninth grade?“

I let out a snort. „No way!“

„I did“, she giggles, „You were cute. And I also had a crush on Lucas Cory.“

„Ew“, I make. Lucas Cory was pretty much the middle school version of a jock back then.

„And on Maya Lester.“

It hangs in the air for a couple of seconds. My eyes find hers. I can’t exactly read her expression in the darkness but I feel her breathing a little faster now.

„Si?“ Her voice is lower than a whisper.

„Yeah?“ I think I already know what she’s about to say.

„I’m bi.“

 

***

 

Maybe this is selfish, but I just feel great. As much as I love my friends, ever since I came out I felt like the odd one out. Except I was not. I _am_ not. Because Leah is with me.

_Okay, Simon, don’t make this about yourself. It’s about her._

I have turned my fairy lights on — no, Bram’s fairy lights that he brought and hung up on my wall — and now we’re laying on top of the bed sheets and listen to the rain softly splashing against the window.

„Why did you never tell me?“, I ask.

Leah stares up at the ceiling. „Honestly? You’re one to talk.“

„Touché.“

„I don’t know, though. I guess it didn’t matter.“

„I mean, it doesn’t“, I say, „It doesn’t change who you are, right?“

„Wow, you sound like your mom. Mister Therapist“, she says, and although her voice has the usual cool undertone, I suddenly feel her reaching for my hand. „Can I tell you something else?“

„Of course“, I say to the ceiling. This hand-holding is kind of weird for Leah. _Please don’t tell me you have a crush on me…again_.

„I like…I-I…I like Abby.“ It almost sounds like a question.

„Abby“, I repeat, as if I don’t know of whom we’re speaking of.

„Abby“, Leah says, and — it’s hard to believe — but she actually makes it sound different. Abby’s name sounds like some sort of long-treasured object coming from her. I want to say something — anything — but Leah is faster, „And I know this is fucking weird. But I guess I’ve had this crush on her ever since she moved here. And then Nick was all been and gone for her and—“

„I thought you liked Nick!“, I intervene.

„Uhm, duh?“, she makes, „Of course I like him, he’s my friend. He slays at Mario Kart.“

„I slay at Mario Kart as well.“

„No you don’t. Anyway, I thought it would, you know, go away. But it’s still fucking here and it’s annoying.“ She rolls her eyes and lets go of my hand.

„I thought Abby was straight“, I murmur, more to my self to be honest.

„Have you ever heard her say that?“, Leah asks.

She’s right. I, out of all persons, should stop assuming that straight is the default. And yet my mind is still set on it. Whenever I thought of Leah I thought of her as straight. I thought of her and Nick, her and Garrett.  
Same goes for Abby. Who told me Abby was straight? No one. Sure, she might be dating a boy right now, but that doesn’t mean anything.

„I’m such an asshole“, I blurt.

„I thought we had already established that“, Leah says, „But what made you come to that conclusion yourself?“

I shake my head, slowly. „When did you know? That you were bi.“

„God, don’t you hate that question yourself?“, Leah groans.

I nod. „I do. But I want to know.“

She sighs. „Hm. I think I knew for sure when I was about eleven. I talked to my mom about it, and then…I just let it be.“

„Wow“, I say, „You truly are such a badass. I couldn’t have dealt with that all by myself. Well, I mean, you witnessed what a drama my coming out was.“

„I think it’s different for you, though. I mean, I don’t know.“ She shrugs again. „Or I really am just a badass.“

Then we both laugh. It’s such a wonderful feeling. I wish Bram was here, not to have him here physically but to have someone who’d be able to put this feeling into words. He’s good at this. I’m not. All I know is that I feel jittery and happy, and strangely myself.

 

***

 

„So what’s the game plan?“, I ask, sitting cross-legged on the couch. The TV is on but muted. I’m munching on Cini Minis while Leah devours a yogurt.

„What game plan?“ She leaves the spoon hanging in her mouth.

„You and Abby.“

„Wait, I thought you were the biggest Nick and Abby shipper out there“, she says, raising one eyebrow at me.

I sit up straight against the pillows. „Well, they clearly have something going on and I would be lying if I can’t already smell the break-up.“

The eyebrows are still raised.

I fall back against the cushions, spilling milk into my lap. „Fuck. I mean, I’d be sad, but you having a crush on her makes it kind of bittersweet. I don’t know. I just love love.“

Now she does this nod thing with very wide eyes and a sucked in breath. „Alright, Simon.“

Nora comes into the living room, her curls the usual bed mess. She stops, startled as she sees Leah and me. „Woah. Did I forget there was band practice today?“ She looks at Leah.

„Uh, no“, Leah says, „I just stayed here after Garrett’s Halloween party.“

„Weren’t you supposed to be there too?“, I ask.

„Well.“ She takes a step back. And another one. And another one.

„Nora.“ I get up, milk dripping down my thigh. „No. Please no.“

„I have absolutely no idea what you mean“, she says painfully slow as she creeps back up the stairs. But then she hits her back against a person that is disguised in the shadow and jumps. He immediately holds onto her so she doesn’t tumble the stairs back down.

I’m now at the foot of the stairs, glaring up. And there he is. Of course. Cal Price. I’m actually close to praying to whatever God there might be that Nora did not have sex with the boy I used to low-key have a crush on.

„Hi.“ Cal grins, clearly insecure about how this will go. I mean, he’s right. I could either be totally cool with it or make a huge scene. And for everyone who knows me, it’s out of the question what will be the case.

„What the fuck are you doing here at“ I look at the clock on the wall. „nine in the morning.“

„He slept over. Just like Leah did“, Nora says and then repeats, excessively stressing, „ _Just like Leah did_.“

 _So that means nothing happened, right?_ I push my back through so I at least give off the impression that I’m at least a little tall. But it’s worthless when Cal reaches the foot of the stairs as well. He’s practically towering over me.

 _It’s not like I still have a crush on him, honestly._ I mean, yes he’s definitely turned from cute into very hot but it’s definitely nowhere near Bram. It’s just that I have this feeling somewhere inside my chest that I need to protect Nora. I had it before but now, after the conversation that one evening, more than ever. _She doesn’t know what she’s doing for fuck’s sake!_

„I’m gonna go and grab some Starbucks, alright?“ As if to annoy me even more, he wraps an arm around Nora’s shoulders.

„Okay“, she says to him. Starbucks is just down the street, so it’s not even a sweet gesture.

As soon as Cal’s out the house I drop everything. „What the fuck! What the fuck, Nora?“

„Chill.“ She rolls her eyes. „It’s not what you think it is. We are just friends.“

Leah snorts from the couch. We both turn toward her and she covers her mouth with one hand. „Sorry, couldn’t hold that back.“

„I told you about how I feel“, Nora hisses, „He came over to talk yesterday. And then we played Wii and fell asleep. It’s _fine_.“

„I just don’t want you to do stupid things just because you’re unsure of…whatever.“

„You know me, I don’t do stupid things.“

 

***

 

Leah leaves around twelve, and I’m left to a lunch with my family and Cal. And a constantly buzzing phone in my pocket. I know it’s Abby. She’s the only one who’s not weird about double-texting. Well, it’s her and me. But she’s worse. She will basically text a whole-ass story in one word messages.

And that seems to be happening right now.

I reach for the phone and look at the screen under the table. But there are too many messages coming in at once that I can hardly make any sense of it at all.

> Abby: into it
> 
> Abby: and then he got like real mad
> 
> Abby: and I was like
> 
> Abby: boi get it together
> 
> Abby: and then he

„Hey, I’m done with this“, I say, pushing my plate of spaghetti back a little, „Can I leave?“

„Of course, honey.“ Mom smiles. I wish she wouldn’t call me _honey_ in front of Cal Price.

As soon as I’ve shut the door of my room behind me, I call Abby. I don’t even bother reading all the messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this fic is kind of a lot, sorry about that :P A lot of stuff is happening and it wooooon't stop yay :D


	21. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so this is lowkey a mess, but I still kind of like it?

So I still don’t know what happened. All I do know is that Abby is currently crying into my shirt and I have no idea how to handle it. Maybe I should call Leah, so she can take over, and they both fall in love. I mean.

Do I ship Abby and Leah? _I don’t know._ Do I ship Abby and Nick? _I don’t know._

I don’t even know what happened. The text explained everything and nothing at the same time. Basically, Abby sat him down and told him something and he got really mad about whatever it was.

Now she’s shaking. Like, physically shaking, while I hold her head pressed against my chest. We’re sitting cross-legged on the rug on her floor. The window is open and rain is splattering onto the sill.

„Abby.“ My voice is a little hoarse from not using it at all since I came here. „Will you please tell me what the fuck happened?“

I feel a little bit of pressure against my hand and give her head free. She sits up straight, rubbing her eyes. They’re swollen and red. I’d be lying if I said she still looked great. She doesn’t. To be honest, she looks like someone whose world is crashing down.

For a moment she stares at the window then she gives it a little push and it falls shut.

I keep looking at her. The spring of tears seems to have died down, but she still sniffs.

„Si.“ She’s examining the rug instead of looking at me. „I’m going to tell you something. And I’m not ready for it. But I have to. And I love you.“

„I love you too“, I say without hesitation.

She reaches for my hand. For her, that’s pretty common, unlike Leah. We often hold hands, randomly. We’re both very touchy persons, I guess. „So yesterday“, she begins, „at Garrett’s party. Nick and I.“

I nod.

„Okay, don’t ask me, why… Actually, I know exactly why, but…“ She shakes her head. „Anyway, we were making out. And then we were in the guest room.“

Images of my own experience in there come rushing through my mind and I have to concentrate _very_ hard not to let them take over.

„And I didn’t want it—“

Orange flag. No, forget it. Red flag! All the alarm bells go off at once in my head and I grab her hand harder. „Please tell me he didn’t force you to—“

„Oh gosh, no.“ She shakes her head, and one more tear falls to her cheek. „No no no. He’d never do that!“

I nod in agreement.

„What I meant“, she says, „is that I basically started crying. Because I wanted to tell him something. But I didn’t want to do it _there_.“

„You’re not pregnant, are you?“

„No.“ I can see her throat moving when she tries to swallow the dryness there. „No. I wanted to tell him I have a crush on someone else.“

_Oh. So this is happening._

„And…“ Her bottom lip shakes. „You know, I didn’t want to break up or something, I just wanted to let him know. Because I still love him. I really do. I wanted to let him know because I wanted it to go away! I just wanted to be honest.“

I push a curl out of her face behind her ears. All of this sounds kind of reasonable. I mean, I don’t know how I would react if Bram told me he had a crush on someone else, but once I really think about it, it kind of shows that she’s willing to work through it. Like she said, she wanted it to go away.

„Okay, so what’s the drama about?“, I ask, „I guess he didn’t react well.“

„Oh, he did“, she sniffs, „Of course he did. Because he’s freaking perfect and understanding and loving and—“ Aaaaaand she’s crying again.

„Abby, honestly, talk to me!“ I shake her shoulders a little bit.

„Well.“ She swallows again. „We sat down on the bed, and he was comforting me because I was still crying. And he said that it’s okay, that we’ll work it out. That we can do it. And I was getting better. Because in that moment I didn’t even understand myself how I could possibly have a crush on any other person. But then he asked me who it was.“ She falls silent. Rain splashing against the window.

„And who is it?“, I ask carefully.

„Leah“, she says, no tone in her voice. She’s staring blankly at her knees now as if all emotion left her at once.

_Wow. Okay, so this is a bit much, to be honest._

„And I told him. And then he kind of freaked out. At first, I thought it was because Leah is literally everywhere where we are, so how are we supposed to work this out?“, she babbles on, „But no! It was because Leah is a _girl_. He was butthurt about it because she is a freaking girl.“

„I didn’t know you were bi“, I say in a very, very low voice. _I mean, what am I supposed to do?_ The amount of sudden LGBT+ impact is a little overwhelming.

„I’m not bi“, she says, „Or maybe. I don’t know. This is the first time this has happened. I’ve never had crushes on girls before. I’ve never thought about it. Even I thought of myself as straight until, like, two months ago.“

I’m literally speechless. And that doesn’t happen often so it says something.

„And then he…he broke up with me.“ She takes her eyes off her knees and looks me flat in the face. „And told me, quote-unquote, that it doesn’t make sense, no matter how big his dick was it could never compete with a vagina.“

„He did not!“

„He did.“ She leans her head back against my chest. „And I couldn’t even laugh about it. I mean, how pathetic, right? But I couldn’t. Of all the things, I didn’t want this to happen. I just…I had to tell him. Because Leah looked so cute in her costume. And I truly tried to fight it. Because I want him, Simon. I love him. But this crush on her…it’s kind of always there lately, underlying everything.“

„Like a heartbeat“, I say because I know this. This is how I felt about Bram back when he was still just Blue to me. „You don’t even feel it all the time, and yet it’s always there.“

She nods against my chest.

 

***

 

You’d think all of this would now work out perfectly. Except it doesn’t. There is no Leah and Abby love story happening within the next few days. Instead, she’s crying almost every waking minute. School is hell. She eats lunch with other theatre kids now.

Bram and I are pretty much torn between the two parties. Abby’s claiming me, and Nick’s claiming him. Apparently, he came to Bram right after the incident happened.

Because our group is now kind of split, Bram and I get to hang out even less. And when we find the time, in the early morning in the back of Mister Wise’s room on the couch, my mind is occupied with thoughts surrounding Leah and Abby.

Both of them came out to me! And well, I guess Abby is now out to our whole group, kind of. Except no one really mentions it.

 

Bram’s hands graze the nape of my neck as I’m lying underneath him on the couch. I don’t remember how we got horizontal, but here we are. The Halloween aftermath, as I like to call it, is now almost two weeks behind us. I haven’t really talked to Leah, or Nick even, I’m mostly with Abby after school. But I haven’t told her about Leah’s reciprocated feelings toward her, either.

„Hey.“ Bram’s lips brush against my ear. „Where are you?“

„Right here“, I say, smiling up at him. But it feels wrong. Too forced.

He gets off me, crossing his legs under his body. „You know we just have to leave them alone for some time“, he says.

„If I leave Abby alone she’s going to throw herself down the next cliff. She be that dramatic.“

He rolls his eyes but smiles a little. „Good thing there are no cliffs anywhere near Shady Creek. But honestly. This situation is…crap. But we can do absolutely nothing about it.“

„Have you talked more with Nick?“, I ask.

He shrugs. „I mean, he’s pretty closed to himself. He’s not an asshole for the way he reacted, Simon. He’s actually sorry about it now. But what would you do if I suddenly told you I had this crush on Taylor Metternich?“

„Oh my god, no. Don’t use Taylor as your example. I’m getting images.“ I cover my eyes.

Bram grins a little. „What I’m trying to say is that he will get over it and will apologize. And then they’re going to get back together, marry, and have beautiful babies. Happy End.“

Right. I haven’t told him about Leah either. Wow. Slowly, I begin to feel like I’m ten thousand feet deep underwater, so much pressure seems to be on my shoulders. But I can’t tell Bram about Leah. As much as I want to.

The bell rings the first time and it’s not much later that the students flood the classroom.

 

***

 

So. Another thing happened. Henry and I kissed. And it wasn’t magical — it was hella awkward and I don’t know whether I really want to do this in front of the whole school in a few weeks for the sake of a trashy musical.

Theatre takes up every single free minute now. Abby skips most times because she’s _‚on her period‘_ — for weeks straight. But now it’s Friday, and it’s my birthday, and she’s there. With an awkward banner hanging down from the stage. I’m still a little slow-moving from all the cake Leah brought, but I grin anyway. And then there’s more cake at rehearsal. And even Nick is there, at the same time as Abby, and the world hasn’t exploded yet. Sure, they don’t look at each other, but hey.

I get out of the school around five, and I’m almost too exhausted to drive. At least it’s the weekend now and I can sleep for fourteen hours straight two days in a row.

I stop in my tracks when I realize my car isn’t there. I parked it right there, next to the school’s fence! And then I realize Nora is gone, too. She probably decided to wing it and drive away when I took longer than ten minutes to say goodbye to my friends.

_Honestly, I can’t wait for her to get her own car. It’s about time!_

I curse to myself as I head for the next bus stop. Except then I spot a waving Bram, leaning against his Honda, beaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. Okay. So this happened. Hm. What do y'all think? Will Abby and Leah work out? Or will she and Nick reunite once he stops being a lil whiny wiener about it?  
> (also, I'm focussing a little bit more on Si and Bram now because I miss them. ;)) SO WHAT DO YOU THINK WHY IS BRAM WAITING FOR SIMON ON HIS BIRTHDAY....HMMMMMMMM)


	22. Bram

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I didn't plan this, but I lowkey love it now.

Simon spins around himself, head fallen back into his neck, beaming up at the ceiling. „This is crazy!“, he yells, „We have a chandelier. A freaking chandelier, Bram!“

We’re spending the weekend in this super high-end Hotel & Spa just outside Atlanta. And clearly, Simon loves it. And so do I. I didn’t go for the suite, though, because I knew we wouldn’t be using a living room, or our own kitchen. So instead, we have a room with a king-sized bed, tall windows, and, as previously mentioned, a _freaking_ chandelier.

Simon comes to a stop and looks at me while slowly stumbling backward toward the bed. His gaze is somewhat hot on my skin, tearing through the lairs of clothing. I can almost hear the air crackling between us.

„You haven’t seen the best of it yet“, I say, turning down the dimmer until the lights eventually turn off all the way.

Simon is laying flat on the bed now, looking up at the ceiling. „Wow“, he mouthes.

I lay down next to him, resting my arms behind my head. There’s painting of the night sky on the ceiling. Granted, it looks beautiful in the light of day, but when it’s dark, the stars actually light up, and it looks real. It’s more of a night sky than we could ever see outside, with Atlanta’s light pollution and all. I turn my head to Simon.

„This is beautiful“, he says.

I nod, not tearing my eyes away from him.

He notices after a while and rolls over, so our noses are touching. „Hi“, he whispers.

„Hi.“ And then all I can feel are his lips on mine, his hands fisted into my hair and his body on top of mine. Shirts and jeans are gone in a matter of seconds. It’s almost like we’ve been starving for a long time, so hungry are our kisses.

Simon’s fingers hook into the waistband of my underwear when I gently grab a hold of his underarms. Our breathing is the only noise in the room for a moment.

„I, uh, brought something“, I say. It takes a moment for him to understand, but finally, he gets off my lap and watches me reach for my backpack. Now, this could either go really well or horribly wrong. I fish around until I find what I’ve been looking for and throw it between us onto the mattress.

Simons gaze wanders down on me until it falls upon the packet of condoms and the bottle of lube. He blushes pretty much immediately. Thank God Nick and I managed to find lube in a bottle that doesn’t have the shape of a penis.

„It’s just“ I clear my throat, an awkward harsh sound in the silence. „I didn’t plan to…we don’t have to do _anything_. Just an…idea.“

Simon nods slowly, then he grabs the things and shoves them gently to the side, patting the spot next to him. I sit back down. This is weird. We’re both just in our boxers.

„Yes“, he says.

I look up at him.

„I mean, I want to. You know that.“ He lays his hand upon my naked thigh which — _okay_ — makes it hard to concentrate. „But I think we should talk about it.“

It feels like time is moving against an invisible current. The silence between us seems to stretch out more and more.

And then we both laugh. It’s hesitant and breathy and awkward at first but then we both lay on our backs, holding our shaking bellies. I mean, how is one supposed to stay serious in a situation like this?

Simon turns his head to me. „So, I’m going to say something, and you can laugh about it because it will be freaking awkward, just make sure you tell me what you think about it in all seriousness after.“

„Okay, hit it“, I say.

„I, uhm“ He takes one long, deep breath of air and closes his eyes. „I want you to…do it.“

_Oh._

_Oh!_

I’m so struck by the amount of flashing fantasies rushing through my head that I can’t even laugh at the awkwardness anymore.

He opens one eye to peek at me.

I mean, of course, I have thought about it. It — in both ways. It doesn’t really matter to me. I’m pretty much willing to do everything as long as he’s comfortable with it. _God, I’m just totally spent for this boy._

„Is that okay for you?“ Simon’s voice is a little brighter than usual.

I grab his hand across the sheets. „Yeah.“

He bites down on his bottom lip, causing a new wave of lust rushing through my system. „Okay“, he almost whispers, slowly, oh so slowly rolling over to me until our lips touch again. This time it’s careful, almost butterfly-like, and before I know I feel him kissing down my neck and my chest. Quiet and painfully slow, until he reaches the place in-between my legs.

The last bits of clothing are being tossed into a corner of the room. Outside, behind our curtains, the sun has disappeared completely now, leaving us with the night sky above. Somehow, we manage to find everything we need in the dark.  
Granted, it’s still awkward and we burst out in giggles every other minute, but at the same time, everything is strangely perfect, almost like our bodies were made for each other. It almost feels like a high. I don’t ever want it to stop.  
I lose myself to his everything, his little noises, his beauty, his scent. Our hands are laced together, fitting perfectly into each other. Our chests brush together. As do our lips. Again, and again. And again.

 

***

 

A thing no one ever tells virgins about sex is that it’s messy. And the aftermath is a little disgusting. Our sheets are soaked with sweat, so we hang them over the balustrade of our little balcony. We can’t find all of our clothes, despite finally turning the lights back on.

Another thing that no one really talks about is that it doesn’t last that long. I mean, I have never thought about it, really. I have no idea how much time it is _supposed_ to take. Maybe it’s just because we’re both teenagers, or that we’re both new to this and very eagerly all over each other, but the whole act didn’t take much longer than a few minutes — for both of us.

But the few minutes were perfect. Or perfectly imperfect rather. We needed a little while to figure everything out, plus the general discomfort of the whole being completely naked _over_ each other situation. But still. If anything it just made me hungry for more.

Simon steps out of the bathroom in the pajamas I brought him. His hair wet and no glasses on his nose. He finds them eventually on the nightstand on his side of the bed and pushes them in front of his eyes. Then he stands still.

I’m in my underwear and my shirt, just sitting there. None of us moves. We don’t even look at each other. Which is kind of weird because not even half an hour ago we were so into each other — literally.

Then Simon giggles a little, and I release an almost relieved breath of air from my lungs.

„What?“ I ask, looking up at his flushed face.

„The lube exploded on the floor.“ He makes a grimace, still giggling, taking a step back. „And now it’s everywhere.“

„We’re messy“, I observe, „I’m glad we weren’t home for this.“

„For this“, he repeats, and the giggle shrinks to a silent, content smile. „I love you.“

I reach for his hand, pulling him into me, kissing him just before his body hits the mattress.

„Ouch“, he breathes into our kiss.

I flinch back. „Sorry.“

„No.“ He shakes his head, the grin being back. „It’s not your fault. I’m just…a little sore.“

„Oh.“

And then we both burst out into laughter again. And I swear I wouldn’t change anything about this moment. It’s the happiest I’ve ever been, and I wish I could press a pause button somehow, freezing the feelings in time. I don’t want to move on and leave it behind, ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm kind of bad at writing sex scenes, sorry for that haha. But be sure, I'm even worse at writing smut, so y'all just gotta live with a little bit of cheesyness. Who cares it's CUTE right  
> RIGHT??


	23. Simon

Abby stares at me, eyes as big as saucers. We’re sitting on the bathroom floor at school once again. It’s just before Drama class on Monday. I’m sitting kind of stiffly, though, legs crossed underneath my body, because yesterday, again, has been, let’s say, _eventful_.

„I can’t believe this!“ She grins. „You guys are so cute.“

I mean, she’s slowly but surely getting back to her old self. She still sits somewhere else for lunch, and things are still sour between her and Nick, but it feels at least as if the storm is on pause.

„So how was it? Give me the smutty details“, she says, shoving a giant soft-baked cookie into her mouth. I really don’t know how this girl manages to stay in shape.

„It wasn’t smutty“, I say, making a little pause before I add, „the first time.“

She squeals, partly excited, partly disgusted.

„I’m kidding, though“, I say, „We didn’t pull some nasty _Fifty Shades of Grey_ shit. We even lived by his mother’s rule of _Every Time Including Oral_. Except we excluded the oral.“

„It’s the thought that counts, I guess.“ She shrugs. „Oh, no, forget it. You probably shouldn’t be thinking about Bram’s mom when the two of you are having sex.“

„I wasn’t. Believe me, I wasn’t“, I laugh.

She tilts her head to the side. „So, now what?“

„What do you mean?“, I ask.

„I mean“, she says, „Or at least for me it was when me and…when I had sex with someone for the first time it’s like some sort of dam broke and then it’s kind of all I want to do for the rest of my life.“

I know for a fact she’s talking about Nick because as far as I can call back her telling me about her first time with Travis back in DC, that wasn’t worth doing again.

„Hm“, I make, „I mean, it kind of felt like that before. You know everything is new, sure, but I don’t know. It’s not even that I want to have sex with him all day — although, sure, why not — but I just want to be with him. Now even more than before. It’s like we’re both existing on either end of a line that’s been knotted, and now the knot is pulled even tighter and we’re closer than ever.“

„Make sure I get an invitation to your wedding this weekend“, she laughs.

I return her grin. I mean, I still feel this giddiness, and I’m sure I’m kind of radiating it, too. I know for a fact my mom knows something happened. She didn’t say anything to me though, probably because she can’t make it un-happened now and she already gave me the sex talk — _twice_.

„I want to feel like I’m on a knotted line with someone too“, Abby says suddenly and swallows. „I mean, I’m not saying, like…“ She pauses. „In hindsight, with Nick, and don’t get me wrong, I still love him. I’m sure I do. But I kind of always knew it had an ending point. I just thought once we’d reach it we would both be ready for it. And now he’s fine and I’m not.“

I wrap an arm around her shoulders, „Abs. Hey. Come on. You know he isn’t fine.“

„He looks like it, though. I mean, do you see him talking to Taylor every time at practice?“ She rolls her eyes. „Sure, they are both meant to be together. I get it. She _gets_ him, with all that singing and stuff.“

I push a curl out of her face.

„Simon, you know how lucky you are, right?“

„Yeah, I know“, I say in a low voice, and then press a kiss to her temple, „But I promise you, Abby, you will get lucky too.“

She swallows again. „You know, sometimes I think about it with a girl. Not even, like, sex. Just kissing. And then I wonder whether I will feel it. Whether I will feel it when I kiss my soulmate.“

I think about that one kiss with Henry on stage. Of course, he is a straight kid and it was in front of the whole Drama assemble, but it wasn’t _bad_. It just was nowhere near to Bram. „When I kiss Bram it feels like I never need to talk again. Every time. It feels, and this may sound gross, as if everything of me just flows into him and vice versa. As if we’re just completely _there_ for each other.“

Abby’s forehead is wrinkled, and she nods slowly. Then she hugs her knees to her chest. „Do you think I’m confused?“

„Huh?“

„Like, because I may like girls _and_ boys. I mean, I don’t even know. The only girl crush I have ever had is Leah.“ She rests her chin on one knee. „But I told my mom about it and—“

„You told your mom? Oh my god, Abby!“

„Shh. It’s fine. She was fine with it. Mostly at least. Until she asked me if it wasn’t just a phase, or if I was confused and frustrated because I just want Nick back.“

„Oh“, I make, „I mean, they always ask if it’s just a phase. That’s a sign they don’t get it. But they will. Just give it time. And honestly, what if it _is_ just a phase? Who says sexuality is stagnant? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether you like girls or boys or whatever as long as it’s not kids or animals. And it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to put a label on yourself.“ I feel myself getting in some sort of mild rage. „It is what it is. And it’s no one’s business but your own. Not everyone can say of themselves that they’re one hundred percent gay, like me, or one hundred percent bi, like Leah—“

„What?!“

I stop sharp. „What?“

„Leah is bi?“ Abby lets go of her knees.

 _Oh shit._ I try rowing back immediately. „Who said that? I didn’t say that.“

„You _did_!“ She legitimately stares at me like I’m some sort of alien. „Are you serious?“

„Abs“, I say, pulling my shoulders up next to my head, „Can you just forget this? I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone.“

„Oh my god.“ She drives a hand through her hair. „So I cry to you about having a crush on Leah, thinking it is hopeless, and you knew that all along? I’m basically freaking out because I like a girl for the first time and have no chance with her, and you don’t even think about telling me that I _might_ , in fact, have a chance with her?“

„Can you please stop _yelling_?“ I shift in my place in front of an empty stall. „I didn’t know for long, okay? She came out to me after Garrett’s Halloween party.“

She closes her eyes for a moment, thinking. Then she sacks back into herself as if someone let out the air of her. „I mean. It doesn’t even matter. This is just a crush, it will pass eventually.“

_Oh god, I’m really about to ruin this potential love story, aren’t I?_

„I think you should clear up about the feelings you still have for Nick first. And then. If the crush is still there, you can act on it. Give it time. There’s no rush.“

She nods slowly.

„But I can’t believe you came out to your mom! That’s great! I’m proud of you!“

She opens one eye back up to peek at me. That’s when the bathroom door bursts open. _Talk of the devil and he is bound to appear_. There she is. Leah Burke.

„Simon“, she says, „What the fuck? I was looking everywhere for you!“

This must really look weird, and probably gross, Abby and me sitting on a school’s bathroom floor. „Uh, sorry. Why were you looking for me?“

„Because you wanted to give me a ride home?“ She makes a _duh_ face. „I asked you this morning and you said Yes.“

„Oh. Uh. Leah, I have Drama class.“

She looks from me to Abby and back to me. „Don’t you have that Tuesday to Thursday?“

„No, it’s every day of the week now.“

„What the fuck.“ She rolls her eyes.

„I’m so sorry“, I apologize, „I guess I wasn’t really _there_ this morning…“

Abby lets out a tiny giggle, and it’s that what makes Leah furious. She shakes her head, taking a step back into the corridor. „Sure, Simon, whatever. No. You know what? Fuck you. Now I have to ask Garrett for a ride.“

I get up on my feet, holding the door open to keep speaking to her. „Lee, I don’t think Garrett—“

„Soccer“, she murmurs, „God, I really hate you all. Now I have to call my asswipe of a stepdad. Thanks for nothing.“ And with that, she’s gone.

 

***

 

Needless to say, I feel guilty all through practice. It’s a total chaos there, too. The soccer dudes are of great help, sure, but it’s drama people that are the mess. Henry and I are the only ones of book — and Taylor, of course, because she’s Taylor. And the artwork for the scenery isn’t done yet, despite Nora yelling at everyone and Cal helping her as good as he can.

I can’t help but shoot him the stink-eye when he wraps an arm around the small of her back. But Nora doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too busy instructing everyone on where to stand, what to wear, and what to say. If anything, Cal is a little bit in her way.

At the end of the day, Nora, Bram and I are the only ones left. We volunteered cleaning up the props and costumes, but instead, we’re just running around with colorful wigs on our heads. I spin around my own axis singing the chorus of Electricity from Billy Elliot.

„ _And suddenly I’m flying, flying like a bird, like electricity, electricity sparks inside of me_ “ I tumble in Bram’s arms, who laughs and then presses a kiss to my lips. It’s our first kiss of the day. The first kiss we share after our weekend together. So sure enough, I won’t let it end with a simple peck. My hands are around his neck, gripping gently into his hair, and his are on my back, sliding down until they enter the back pockets of my jeans.

I can only resist the urge to jump up and wrap my legs around his hips because Nora makes a point out of clearing her throat. „Excuse me guys and gays“, she says, „but I am, in fact, still here.“

Bram’s hands drive out of my pockets really quick, but I rest my arms on his shoulders still. „Right. Maybe you should go and wait in the car.“

„Oh. Ew. No, Simon“ She scrunches her nose. „I’m not allowing you two to get nasty in here. I’m the one who has to clean it up in the end!“

I can see Bram blushing a little, which makes me laugh. It’s so cute how innocent Bram can be, really. Sure talking about stuff like sex and the like with my parents is kind of awkward, but with my sisters? We threw Alice a secret midnight-party when she’d lost her virginity.  
But with Bram… I’m not even sure whether there has been some kind of talk with his mom after the elaboration of the infamous _Everything Including Oral_ rule.

We manage to tidy up the rest of the mess, and soon after, Bram and I have to say goodbye to each other, which is more of a make-out session against my car, because, at this time of day, the parking lot is perfectly empty.

But Nora bangs her fists against the window from the inside just when I can’t help but let a small noise out when Bram’s hips press against mine. He takes a step back, grinning kind of sheepishly down at me. „I’ll text you.“

I nod, watching him get into his car before I do the same. Nora makes a point out of not looking at me and especially my crotch area, which just means she’s the best sister and stares outside the window instead.

„So what’s Cal’s deal?“, I ask as we pull up to our house.

„Hm?“ She still won’t look at me — although everything’s cooled down and safe now.

„Cal Price. Are you dating him now or what?“

„No.“

„Well, it seems like he’s getting his hopes up you know. I mean, at least you kissed, right?“

„Simon, honestly, it’s none of your business.“ She rolls her eyes. „What I do and what I don’t do with Cal.“

„But, like, I mean…You won’t have sex with him, right?“

„Like you had with Bram?“

I feel my cheeks heat up in the fraction of a second. „I don’t know what you—“

„Oh my god, are you serious?“ Now she’s looking at me. „The two of you used to be so reserved whenever someone was around and today you were basically dry humping each other in front of me. Obviously, something has happened.“

I mean, she’s not wrong.

Nora winks at me. „You’re not saying anything. Which means Yes. I’m going to text Alice. Midnight party.“

„Shhh“, I make, „Stop for a second and answer my question.“

The small grin fades from her face. „Si… I don’t know, okay? I guess Cal and I are…dating. Kind of. Don’t freak out, okay? I’m still figuring things out. I don’t know if it’s good yet.“

I raise my eyebrows at her.

„I mean…“, her voice trails of. „This jittery feeling you said you get around Bram? I don’t get it. Like, I really, really like Cal. He’s great. And cute, I guess. Whatever. I just need a bit of time.“

 

I think about this for the rest of the evening. Well, until Bram texts me and I lock myself in my room with him on the phone. But before that my thoughts are occupied with Nora and Cal. Nora always seems so tough and grown-up — sometimes more than me. But then again, speaking of Cal, she looks like a lost puppy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIMON AND BRAM LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH bye


	24. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you mean simon and bram can't have sex in every chapter from now on? try me

You’d think a Midnight Party with your two siblings — one being a sleepyhead and one being at uni — on a school night would be impossible. But it’s not when you have the best sisters on planet earth.

Nora really texted Alice (she simply sent the dark moon emoji with the smirking face on it and Alice knew what was up), and now we have her set on Skype. Nora and I are cuddled in my bed, only our heads poking out of the covers.

Of course, Alice demands all the smutty details, just like Abby, but it’s different with her. She asks and I deliver, pretty much.

I expect Nora to cover her ears with her hands once I get to the actual sex part, just like she did back in the day when Alice told her story. But she doesn’t. She munches on Chips Ahoy! and listens closely.

„Okay, right“, Alice’s pixelated face says, „You just spent two days fucking non-stop. Congratulations. Being young must be nice.“

I don’t even flinch at her comment. I mean, she’s right after all. I _did_ just spend two days fucking non-stop. „You’re only two years older than me“, I remind her, „Don’t act like grandma Betty.“

Alice grins, pushing her glasses further up her nose. All three of us wear glasses, although my eyesight is by far the worst, but Alice is the only one with rectangular specs. Nora and I both wear perfectly round ones.

„Okay, sweet, I don’t know whether I can ask this but I’m just going to do it.“ She brushes a curl out of her face. I love that we all share the same perpetual messy hair. „Don’t you…also want to do it?“

„You can just ask me if I want to top.“

She makes a point out of keeping a normal expression on her face.

„I mean, it’s good as it is right now“, I say.

She nods. „Proud of you, Bub. You’re a full-on adult now. Wow. I’m really turning into grandma Betty, aren’t I?“

Nora makes a face at that. And I get it. As if one can’t be an adult without having sex… Alice, the feminist, fighter for equal rights, one of the most accepting persons in the universe, shouldn’t say something like that.

„What about you, Nor?“

Nora lifts her head up from the empty bag of chips. „Uh.“

„Nora’s had her first kiss“, I blurt out.

„Yeah. Duh.“ Alice draws a tube of Pringles from next to the webcam. „I been knew sis. With Cal, right? So what, y’all dating now?“

„She knew?!“, I ask.

„Alice was the first one I told actually“, Nora shrugs.

„Traitor“, I mumble against a pillow.

„Nor?“

„I mean…“ Nora’s voice trails off. „We are not _not_ dating.“

Alice squeals. „That’s so cute! We all have boyfriends now!“

Nora opens her mouth but ends up not saying anything, and closes it again.

I tear my eyes away from her. „Yeah. Back to my sex life now.“

She gives me a slight nudge with her knee under the blanket and I can see the idea of a thankful smile on her face. I nod almost unnoticeable.

 

***

 

Having Cal over for breakfast is a thing now, I notice on Thursday morning when I come downstairs. It’s the third day in a row that he and Nora are sitting on the table, eating cereal.

I try not to think about him and her kissing or _whatever_ when I pour milk into my own bowl. Then I sit down with them, collect an annoyed look from my sister, and sink into the depth of my phone.

Leah’s been ignoring my texts ever since the Bathroom Incident on Monday. It’s probably unfair that I haven’t properly talked about everything that’s been happening, but with all that Drama practice and my thoughts being basically all Bram 24/7, it’s almost impossible to find the time. Plus, I’m a little scared I will bust out everything about our musical, and that we’re all doing this just for her, and that Abby has a crush on her, and that I talked her out of taking chances right now.

It’s all a bit much.

 

***

 

Now it’s after school, after Drama, after soccer, and I’m at Bram’s house. His mom wants to have a family dinner, for whatever reason. As far as I know, they never have the time to eat altogether — yep, my psychologist mother is screaming at that fact.

But it’s nice to know that I am considered part of the family. In fact, it’s more than just nice. It makes my heart melt a little.

Bram and I are helping set the table up, and he’s wearing this new pair of black cigarette jeans that, _you_ _know_ , make his ass look really good. That’s another perk of dating a soccer player. They do a lot of running and squats at practice…

„Paul should be home any minute“, Anne says, handing me a stack of plates, „Thank you, sweetheart.“

Morgan comes into the kitchen, barefoot and in pajama pants, her phone in hand. She stops sharp when she sees me. „Oh, hi. Didn’t know you were going to be here.“

„It’s a family dinner“, Anne says.

„Well. Garrett wasn’t allowed to come.“

Anne shoots her a capital-L Look and Morgan backs away out of the kitchen, probably to change her pants.

„I didn’t know her and Garrett were still dating“, I say, „I never see them together at school anymore.“

„Yeah…“ Bram gives his mom a quick gaze. „I don’t know whether they are still dating. But he comes over a lot. And not always just to see _me_ if you know what I mean.“

„We have thin walls.“ Anne turns her head and throws a grin over her shoulder.

Paul comes home ten minutes later and by that time, Morgan is back in a floaty summer dress. It’s almost December. Sometimes her sense of humor comes dangerously close to the one of Leah.

Dinner is something Mexican and very spicy, but I seem to be the only one who thinks so because everyone else doesn’t even bat an eye where I flinch and cough and get tears in my eyes. To my relief, dessert is ice cream cake.

„So“, Paul starts. He exchanges a look with Anne. „We have something to tell…announce to you guys.“

Morgan furrows her brows. „Please no baby, please no baby, please.“

„No baby“, Anne says, „But…“ She lifts her left hand. And I don’t know how I hadn’t noticed before. Probably because Anne always wears a ton of jewelry, including rings. But this one. It’s not big by any means if anything it’s small and dainty. A silver ring with teeny tiny gems embedded into it that sparkle when they catch the light.

„We’re getting married“, Paul says in a solemn voice as if we haven’t just been staring at an engagement ring for a whole minute.

 

***

 

Remember how I said it felt nice to be a part of the Greenfeld-Fisherman family? Well, now it’s just hella awkward.

Bram’s mom and Paul are in their own world, looking into each other's eyes in a happy daze. Morgan has her fork held close to her mouth. She’s frozen. All the peas fall down back onto her plate one after another. Bram is in a state of pure shock, eyes wandering from his mom to Paul, and back to her.

I take his hand and squeeze it under the table. I’m the first to speak up. „That’s wonderful!“

Anne and Paul snap out of whatever trance they’d been in. „Thank you so much, honey! We were hoping Bram and you could hold a speech.“

Bram squeezes my hand back.

„It would mean a lot“, Paul adds.

I nod for the both of us.

And then Bram stands up, and so does Morgan, and they both hug their parents.

 

An hour later I find myself gripping the sheets of Bram’s bed while his lips leave a wet trail all the way down my torso. My shirt is long gone, and so are the majority of his clothes. I shiver a little and bury one fist in his hair when he unbuckles my belt and slides my jeans down my legs.

„It’s almost like it’s our engagement we’re celebrating“, I say, a little — or a lot — breathless.

Bram kisses a kiss on my hipbone. „Trust me, you would _know_ if this was our engagement.“ His fingers tug under the waistband of my boxers, and I squirm a little under his weight, lifting my hips off the mattress to make it easier for him.

But instead of freeing me from the last remnants of clothing, he leans back, looking at me through those doe eyes. „Maybe you should answer that“, he says, nodding toward my phone on the nightstand that’s almost violently vibrating.

I release a groan from somewhere deep within. „Who is it?“

Bram cranes his neck to get a better view on the screen. „Leah.“

„Ugh.“ I lift my back off the mattress, but as I reach for the phone, it stops vibrating. The notification of a missed call pops up immediately. I look at Leah’s name for a moment. Then I turn the phone into complete silent mode.

_Leah’s been ignoring me for three days straight, an hour more or less won’t make any difference, right?_

I pull Bram’s face close again.

„Are you sure you don’t want to call her back?“, he mumbles against my lips but from the way his hips slowly start to move against mine, I can tell he doesn’t really want me to.

„Later“, I tell him, and then we kiss again. And again; kiss and touch.

 

***

 

> **Leah (8:15 pm)** : ok rude??
> 
> **Leah (8:21 pm)** : Simon stop ignoring me, I was ignoring you first
> 
> **Leah (8:30 pm)** : Mom and her boytoy are out and she gave me money for WaHo
> 
> **Leah (8:44 pm)** : this was your chance on free waffles and milkshakes…and now it’s gone…poof
> 
> **Leah (8:45 pm)** : imma ask Garrett now
> 
> **Leah (8:45 pm)** : xoxo bye „best friend“

 

> **Leah (10:21 pm)** : wtf you’re still ignoring me??
> 
> **Leah (10:34 pm)** : Two can play at this game, Spier

 

With a sigh I fall into my bed, still flinching a little when my butt meets the mattress.

 

> **Simon (11:05 pm)** : sry was at Bram’s *smirking emoji*
> 
> **Simon (11:09 pm)** : His mom and Paul got engaged
> 
> **Simon (11:10 pm)** : Leah, I see you reading this
> 
> **Simon (11:20 pm)** : Did you really go with Garrett?
> 
>  
> 
> **Bram (11:20 pm)** : Leah just texted me her Congratulations to mom and Paul
> 
> **Bram (11:21 pm)** : Are the two of you cool?

 

_Well, apparently not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will the drama in this fic ever stop? the answer is no


	25. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's pretend the fact that I didn't update for almost 2 months didn't happen

Either Leah is a master of disguise or she's skipping school five days in a row. I can't find her anywhere, not even in the school's music room. I even drive by her house, yet again, but she isn't there, either. Not even Garrett knows about her.

"So you haven't seen her since you went to WaHo, right?", I ask.

Garrett shoves a fistful of M&Ms into his mouth, "Huh? WaHo? We difn' do dere."

It's Friday and we're sitting on the edge of the stage, feet dangling in the orchestra pit. It's almost December now, which means Opening Night of our very own version of High School Musical is only a stone's throw away. Cal and Nora running around non-stop, Abby jumps every time she sees Nick, and Bram almost got an electric shock from one of the lights he's taking care of. Garrett and I seem to be the only people who still got their chill.

"Wait", I say once he's swallowed, "You didn't go to WaHo with her last week?"

He shakes his head, "Nah. She texted me but I was kind of in the middle of a breakup."

I stop sharp, "What? You and Morgan broke up?"

"Kind of", he shrugs, "I'm surprised Bram didn't tell you. When's the last time you two hung out?"

 _Last week,_ I think _, before Leah's radio silence started._ "Last week. But it's okay. We're all busy, I guess."

"True", Garrett says, "I've been eating dinner horizontally for the past two weeks. Don't get me wrong, Drama is fun and games, and so is soccer, but both almost every single day of the week? Fucking exhausting."

I nod.

"But, uhm, why don't you just text Leah?", he asks, another handful of M&Ms ready to go.

"I think she blocked me." I sigh. "She's so freaking dramatic at the moment. Just because I ignored her texts for a couple of hours because Bram and I were… busy."

"Busy." Garrett raises his eyebrows knowingly. "Man, I'm glad that man finally gets his dick sucked."

"Okay, Garrett, I'm gonna go." I get up. _There's no way I'm going to talk about sex with Garrett Laughlin. That's not going to happen_ — ever.

"You know, Leah's in the town's library sometimes", he says, looking up at me, "She goes there to draw and because they have free coffee there."

"How do you—"

He pulls his shoulders up to his ears, "I just know. Okay, Spier?"

 

***

 

Shady Creek's library is exactly how you would imagine it: In the basement of a coffee shop. Sometimes I feel like this whole town is completely dominated by coffee shops. I think the last time I came here, the coffee shop was just a small part of the library. I'm pretty sure the whole house was the library. But now it's the other way around and the library is only a small part of the coffee shop. I guess not enough people came to maintain the whole building just for books.

Anyway, there is no free coffee. They charge two dollars per cup. But Leah is there. She's sitting on a small round table, long hair in a ponytail, and headphones on.

"What a scam", I say, pulling a chair toward me to sit down opposite her, "Garrett says the coffee is free."

Leah looks up from her sketch, eyes me up and down for a moment before she decides to take the headphones off. "They do. The library has an agreement with the coffee shop above and you get free coffee if you are a member of the library. You just have to show your card up there."

"Oh."

She shoves her pencils into her bag. "So what do you want, Simon?"

"Well, I want to talk to you. Since I can't do that at school. Because you're not there."

"Oh, so you noticed", she snaps.

"Of course I noticed! I've been looking for you all week."

She rolls her eyes. "Sure you were. All week. Every free second that you didn't spend with _Bram_."

 _Okay, I hate how she's saying his name_. "Wait. Are you giving me shit because I spend time with my _boyfriend_?"

"No", she says, "I'm giving you shit because you spend _all_ your time with your boyfriend."

"That's not true."

"It is", she argues, "I haven't properly talked to you since your fucking birthday. I had a party planned for that Saturday. Just you, Nick, and me, ice cream cake, and _The Lord of the Rings_."

"I didn't know that!"

"Yeah, of course not", she says, "It was meant to be a surprise. But I guess Bram had the better one. And you know, I wasn't even mad. Of course, you want to spend the weekend with your boyfriend in some hotel, even I, seemingly the only virgin left, get what that means. But you know what hurt, Simon? That you didn't talk to me after that. No. Instead, I run in on you and Abby, sitting on the bathroom floor, sharing all your fucking secrets."

"Leah, I—" _I can't spend too much time with you or else I'll tell you about the play!_ "We weren't sharing secrets."

"Listen, I get that she needs you, and I, out of all people, really want her to get over Nick. But I just… I don't know."

"I'm sorry, Lee."

"No." She shakes her head. "You say that all the time, Simon. And not only you. None of you has time for me anymore! You're all so fucking busy. Even Garrett! But instead of engaging me in whatever you're doing, you just… It's almost like you don't want me to be a part of the group anymore."

"What? No!"

She shoulders her bag. "Are you sure? Because it fucking seems like it."

"Leah." I try to reach for her hand to stop her from getting up.

She jolts her hand away. "No, I'm done. I get it. Ever since I came out to you, you're always on edge. Like, I'm sorry you have to share your place as the local queer now. I'm so fucking sorry."

I almost choke on a laugh. "What the hell, Leah? Do you really think that?"

"No. I don't know. I just… For the longest time now I wanted things to go back to normal. But you know when the last time was that things were normal?" Her eyes are swimming in tears. "Before you were outed. And I know this is a shitty thing to say, but it's also true. I kind of thought that night, Halloween, when I came out to you, that we'd be — I don't even fucking know — even, and that everything would just be… That everything would go back to how it was before everyone started dating and everything was about love." A tear drops to her cheek. Seeing this almost gives me chills. Leah so rarely ever cries. "But maybe it has to be like that. Maybe we should just stop being friends for a while."

I can almost feel my heart cracking. I mean, I don't even know what to say. _She's all kinds of wrong!_ And I want to scream at her, that this is all for her, and she will see, but then again — if Leah actually knew about the play, that all the money is for her; that deep down she is the reason why we're all so busy, she'd stop it in a heartbeat. That girl has too much pride running through her veins.

So I let her go. Leaving our friendship behind just like the drawing she had been working on.

 

***

 

At this point, I'm almost used to Cal being around. So it comes as a surprise when he actually isn't. I come home, and my usual parking spot isn't already occupied by his car. And instead of feeling good or relieved about it, I start to worry.

Nora is home, I can hear _My Chemical Romance_ blasting through the whole house once I step through the front door. Mom and Dad are in the kitchen, washing the dishes together, seemingly not bothered by the music. I give them a quick wave and then head upstairs. I leave my bag in my room before I go on to knock at Nora's door.

The music stops after my third knock. "What?"

"It's me", I say, "Can I come in?"

"Fine." And then I can hear her shuffling and she actually turns the key in the lock. Nora has _never_ locked her door before.

I step into her room. It's almost as messy as mine. "Where's Cal?"

"I don't know?" She makes it sound like a question. "Home, I guess."

"Okay, Nora, can you stop?" I let the door fall shut behind me and lean against it. "I know you said it's none of my business, and I know it's not, but your my sister and I wanna know what the fuck is going on."

She falls back onto her desk chair and spins around her own axis twice. I kind of expected her to yell back at me. But instead, she just stares at her knees. "I… I don't want to have sex."

"Well, I'm glad", I say.

She doesn't even roll her eyes. "And I like Cal. In a romantic way even, I guess. I mean, I don't know, _you're_ the big romantic, I'm more like mom."

"True."

"But like…" She sighs. "I can't believe I'm talking to my brother about this." She shakes her head. "So, basically every one of my friends has already done it. And I really try not to let it pressure me, but they're kind of… making fun of me. I don't know. It's just… I don't _want_ to. And I don't see myself ever wanting to. It's not like it grosses me out or anything, it's just… I don't feel that way."

I nod slowly, trying to wrap my head around things. "But you like Cal."

"Yes."

"And you…"

"Told him. Yeah. I mean, he was here, and we were, you know" She narrows her eyes at me. "Making out."

"As you do." _I'm really trying, okay?_

"And he told me he really wanted to… Well. You know, Mom and Dad weren't home. So he was probably thinking… Anyway. I said no. And he was cool with it, actually. But just saying no for _now_ kind of felt wrong to me. So I just… talked to him about it."

"And then he just left?"

"He said he needed to think things through. Which is fair, I guess. I mean, what if Bram told you you two were _never_ going to have sex ever again because he wasn't feeling it."

"I'd be kind of hurt", I admit.

"See." She nods. "And I can see that. But, like, it's not about Cal. It's about sex. I do think Cal is cute, or hot, or whatever, but… I just don't want to have sex. That's it."

"You know", I say, "Maybe you'll think differently in a few months…"

"Yeah. Just a phase." She snorts. "Do you hear yourself talking?"

I bite my bottom lip. _Dammit, she's right_. "Sorry", I say immediately.

"It's okay."

"Just. I support you, Nor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i have a couple of things to say.  
> 1\. sorry for not updating in so long, I just wanted to finish my other fic first because even I only have so much brain space  
> 2\. about Leah. y'all can say she's being dramatic all you want, and I do get it, but think about it for a moment. it's not just simon, but no one really has time for her anymore, and she has absolutely no clue as to why  
> 3\. about Nora. i love her a lot. that's it. :D
> 
> 4\. i love writing this story a lot even though it's kind of messy and all over the place <3


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